When pain is accepted for what it is, a lesson and a warning, and deeply looked into and heeded, the separation between pain and pleasure breaks down, both become just experience—painful when resisted, joyful when accepted. –Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

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Early in my career as a psychotherapist, when someone would enter counseling with the goal of wanting personal growth, I would jump right in with the latest technique in my professional toolbelt. Aided by a plethora of self-help books, clients would embark on deep explorations of their histories, of dreams left unfulfilled, aspirations extinguished, and hopes still flickering in the distance. Invariability, the catalyst for this quest was some form of pain—often presented as a psychological symptom of depression, anxiety, or a combination of both.

For most who began this trek, it was clear that the goal was not the transformation of the self, but the ending of the pain—a decrease in suffering so that life would, once again, be enjoyable. If along the way they gained some insights into their true nature, that was the icing on the cake. However, gaining these insights, minus the alleviation of pain, or, worse, the increase in psychological discomfort, was a quick ticket to a new therapist and a rush back to the bookstore to find whatever new best seller was promising a life free of discomfort.

After years of unsuccessfully trying to remove the pain from my clients’ growth process and scaring them away with the mantra, “Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional,” I chose a more mindful approach that both honors their pain and seeks its transformation.

Growth and pain weave their way throughout our lifespans. From the lesson of caution taught by the hot stove to the broken heart that teaches the rollercoaster of romantic love, our daily experiences consistently remind us that pain serves a purpose. We are both blessed and cursed to measure our development through the slings and arrows of random misfortunes and self-inflicted wounds.

As the growing pains of childhood give way to the bumps and bruises of adulthood, we often leave behind the most important lesson learned in those earlier years—pain, is itself, a movement and, therefore, is transient and informative. It is the primary lesson in the school of hard knocks that life hurts, and what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Yet, as we grow older, we lose sight of this fact. Weary from experience, we miss the warning signs that arise when the love of oneself—expressed in our attempts to be free of suffering—runs into an obstacle.

The teacher Nisargadatta Maharaj pointed out that pain is a call for attention and “the penalty for carelessness.” Its remedy, he said, is “intelligent and compassionate action.” While this might sound like more doing—a class in Suffering 101, a “feel-the-burn” yoga, or some other form of self-punishment cloaked as self-enrichment—the truth is that action is already happening. What we miss when we strain to see a future, minus pain, is that the movement of love has run into a roadblock and a life lesson is at hand. Rather than frantically searching for immediate relief, sitting in mindful awareness of the pain is often the best course. Likewise, a compassionate act of not doing anything foolish to ease the discomfort may be the right prescription.

The poet Kahlil Gibran wrote that pain, “is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.” Mindfulness teaches us that resisting this potion or attempting to replace it with something more palatable often impedes the recovery process and risks turning the potion into a poison.

Through compassionate wisdom, we learn that beneath the hardened shell of the ego, there is a true self that seeks growth through the deepening of conscious awareness. Growing pains are, as Gibran writes, “the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.” Once both the mechanism and purpose of pain are exposed to the light of loving awareness, through Gibran’s antidote of “silence and tranquility,” we discover that the self we had been trying to poke and prod to grow was the false self and that our true nature is revealed when we remove the obstacles to the natural movement of love.

Paradoxically, guiding someone through this “silence” can be a very noisy endeavor. Resistance to emotional pain rivals any of the mind tricks used to block out physical pain, and psychotherapy clients often go kicking and screaming into the unexplored lands of their psyches. While Carl Jung advised that “there is no birth of consciousness without pain,” it remains a hard sell to many worn-out souls who seek psychotherapy as bathing in calming waters only to find a raging river. Convincing clients to head straight into these waters—albeit with the floatation device that is the supportive counseling relationship—requires the Zen assurance that “the obstacle is the path.”

In my current work with clients, I advise them that acceptance of the present moment, to include moments of psychological pain, does not mean becoming life’s punching bag, passively taking whatever life dishes out. Instead, it encourages what the Buddha referred to as “right action”—acting in accordance with wisdom and compassion. I assure them that the energy freed up when they let go of resistance and face pain with courage and endurance allows them to flow with the movement of life and, when appropriate to the situation, act. Borrowing from the world of chronic pain management, my new mantra for clients facing psychological suffering, “Know pain, know gain,” does not scare clients away and opens more doors to healing.

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The impact of mental health on physical health in adulthood is significant. The most common physical health problems associated with mental illness are heart disease, high blood pressure, obesity, diabetes, and chronic pain. Mental illness can also contribute to a weakened immune system, making it more difficult for the body to fight off infections and diseases.

One of the most significant contributors to the impact of mental health on physical health is stress. When we experience stress, our body releases a hormone called cortisol, which triggers the body’s fight or flight response. The release of cortisol can lead to increased blood pressure, rapid heartbeat, and a weakened immune system. Prolonged stress can lead to chronic health problems such as heart disease, diabetes, and obesity.

Depression is another mental health condition that can lead to physical health problems. Depression can cause a lack of energy, changes in appetite, and a decreased interest in physical activity. These symptoms can lead to weight gain, a weakened immune system, and a higher risk of developing chronic health problems.

Anxiety is another mental health condition that can impact physical health. Anxiety can cause the body to release stress hormones, which can lead to increased blood pressure and heart rate. Prolonged anxiety can lead to chronic health problems such as heart disease, high blood pressure, and gastrointestinal problems.

In addition to the impact of mental health on physical health, physical health problems can also impact mental health. Chronic pain can lead to depression and anxiety, as can chronic illnesses such as diabetes and heart disease. These conditions can also contribute to decreased quality of life and social isolation, which can further impact mental health.

The good news is that there are steps that individuals can take to improve both their mental and physical health. Regular exercise, a healthy diet, and stress-reducing activities such as meditation or yoga can all improve both mental and physical health. Seeking treatment for mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety can also lead to improved physical health outcomes.

In conclusion, mental health and physical health are closely connected, and one can have a significant impact on the other. Mental illness can lead to physical health problems, and physical health problems can contribute to mental health issues. It is essential to take care of both mental and physical health to lead a healthy and fulfilling life in adulthood.

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One of the hidden costs of ignoring mental health is the impact it can have on our physical health. Research has shown that individuals with untreated mental health conditions are more likely to develop physical health problems such as heart disease, stroke, and diabetes. This is because chronic stress and anxiety can take a toll on our bodies, leading to inflammation and other health problems.

Ignoring mental health can also lead to problems in our personal relationships. Untreated mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety can make it difficult to connect with others, leading to feelings of isolation and loneliness. This can strain relationships with family, friends, and romantic partners, leading to further mental health problems.

Another hidden cost of ignoring mental health is the impact it can have on our career. Untreated mental health conditions can lead to decreased productivity, increased absenteeism, and even job loss. This is because untreated mental health conditions can make it difficult to focus, complete tasks, and work effectively with others.

Finally, ignoring mental health can have a significant impact on our financial well-being. The cost of treating mental health conditions can be high, and untreated mental health conditions can lead to increased healthcare costs, lost wages, and decreased earning potential. This can lead to financial stress and can make it difficult to achieve financial goals.

In conclusion, ignoring mental health in adulthood can have severe consequences, including physical health problems, strained relationships, career setbacks, and financial stress. It is essential to prioritize mental health and seek treatment when needed to maintain overall well-being and achieve personal and professional success.

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