Breakups can be incredibly tough, leaving us feeling lost and broken. It’s a time filled with raw emotions and difficult decisions. Navigating life after a breakup can be a challenging and emotionally turbulent journey. It’s a time when mistakes are easily made, hindering the healing process and prolonging the pain. From clinging to the past to seeking revenge, we’ll delve into common pitfalls that can hinder personal growth and hinder the path to moving on. By recognizing these mistakes and adopting healthier coping mechanisms, individuals can pave the way towards healing, self-discovery, and a brighter future beyond the end of a relationship. (Also read: Breakup Day: Fun things to do after a breakup instead of being sad )

Breakups can leave us vulnerable, making it easy to fall into common mistakes. (pixabay)

“Breakups blow, they just do. But they also have the potential to be holy ground for growth, evolution and transformation! A breakup represents a breakdown, a transition, and an opportunity to rebuild. If we are unconscious of how we operate in a breakdown, we’re guaranteed to suffer and drag out our healing time. If we are intentional and conscious about how we function in our breakdown, we can use it as a catalyst for creativity, possibility and growth,” says, Therapist Mollie Birney in her recent Instagram post. She further shared the eight biggest mistakes people often make after a breakup.

8 Common Mistakes People Make After a Breakup

1. Keeping tabs on their relationship status

It can be super tempting to check up on who your ex is dating or do a little innocent detective work to see if they’ve gotten over you, but our curiosity is rarely driven by the wisest part of ourselves. Not once in my professional (or personal) experience has checked up on an ex and helped anyone heal and move forward.

2. Binge drinking

Sure, this is exactly the treatment our culture suggests, however, our culture often provokes idiotic actions. Alcohol is a depressant and not an effective long-term strategy. Instead try: crying it out with a friend, writing shitty poetry, working with a therapist, reading self-help books, exploring your spirituality, and medication, picking up yoga, journalling, or anything that will actually get you into your feelings, not numb you from them.

3. Romanticizing the good times while conveniently forgetting the shitty ones

Grief makes us yearn for what used to be, the rosy glasses of longing can filter out our critical thinking, and we may find ourselves forgetting what didn’t work about the relationship. Of course, you get to reminisce about the good times. Find the discipline to remember the other times too.

4. Giving up on dating because “They were my soulmate so what’s the point?”

Let’s not make any big decisions about the rest of your life until you’re out of the hurricane of heartbreak. It’s not the time for conclusions, it’s time for a beginning, and beginnings require curiosity. Also, clinging to the belief that your ex was “the one” is not a helpful narrative, and in your clearest moments, you’ll realize don’t even want to be right about it.

5. Toxic communication

To be clear, I mean literally communicating while intoxicated. We tend to regress and communicate recklessly when we’re intoxicated, and by the time we decide we want to text our ex, our critical thinking has most definitely jumped ship. Can you imagine your highly emotional 8-year-old self trying to communicate your adult feelings? If you feel you’re at risk for initiating (or responding to) toxic communication, give your phone to a friend.

6. Continuing to follow them online

Even if you’ve convinced yourself your interest in them is innocent, seeing reminders of your ex is going to be a distraction. Period. Right now, your job is about attending to your feelings and allowing yourself to heal.

7. Diving into a new relationship immediately

I’ve done it. You’ve done it. We’ve all done it. Zero judgement. Breakups can be traumatizing, and while it’s comforting to wait out those gnarly feelings in the security of a new relationship, there’s no such thing as kicking our feelings down the road. Taking the time to heal, grieve and let go of our old relationship is how we set ourselves up for a healthy new relationship.

8. Deciding your breakup means you’ve failed

A breakup isn’t failure – not all relationships are meant to last a lifetime! A relationship can be complete when it’s healed what it was meant to heal, taught us the lesson we need to learn, or revealed the work we have yet to do.

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The Idol is about to become the biggest TV show on the planet. I don’t know if it’s any good – those who weren’t at Cannes Film Festival haven’t been given previews of the show at the time of writing, for reasons I’m sure will soon become clear – but I trust critics, and most of them have not just panned it, but eviscerated it.

It’s “the most chauvinistic series in recent memory”, wrote i‘s film critic Christina Newland, one of the unlucky ones present in the Cannes audience, who added: “The entire logic and aesthetic of the programme seems to be driven by a shallow, overinflated egotism on the part of its creators.” Those creators, Euphoria auteur Sam Levinson and Abel Tesfaye (better known as pop star The Weeknd), don’t care that the bulk of the conversation surrounding their six-episode series (described as a “rape fantasy” by an unhappy member of production, more on that later) is pejorative. They just like that people are talking.

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The drama follows Jocelyn (Lily-Rose Depp), a pop star famous enough to be mononymous but who is worried about staging a comeback following a breakdown. As she prepares to release new music, she falls in love with (or more likely, is groomed by) a creepy, self-help guru-come-cult leader, Tedros (Tesfaye). By all accounts, it’s sleazy and unnecessarily promiscuous, diving headfirst into the world of oversexualisation and exploitation of women it purports to satirise. Scenes include Jocelyn masturbating while choking herself (though crucially, not to orgasm), revenge porn of the pop star with bodily fluids on her face, and frustration about the concerns of an intimacy coordinator.

All this to say, such depravity is bound to draw audiences in, at least for the first episode. Something as widely hyped and then obliterated as The Idol is almost irresistible to television viewers, myself included. It’s why, as young teen I stayed up past my bedtime to secretly watch Skins and Sex and the City. It’s partly why I was pulled in by Game of Thrones and why erotic thrillers – Fatal Attraction, Cruel Intentions, Netflix’s Obsession – are having a moment. Sex sells, and Levinson and Tesfaye are more than willing to flog it.

There’s nothing wrong with that: TV reflects life and sex is an unavoidable, important part of it. What is troubling is the intention behind it. The Idol was originally to be directed by a woman, Amy Seimetz (The Killing), until Tesfaye watched the near-completed series and decided it was “leaning too much into a female perspective”. The entire show was reshot, Seimetz left (reportedly due to scheduling issues) and Levinson took over. According to an explosive Rolling Stone article, the series “turned into a show about a man who gets to abuse this woman and she loves it” according to one crew member. Another source called it “Euphoria season three with pop stars”. Some said Levinson was never on set until Depp and Tesfaye had their first sex scene.

The Idol centers on a self-help guru and leader of a modern-day cult, who develops a complicated relationship with an up-and-coming pop idol (Photo: Sky Atlantic/SEAC)

Morbid curiosity will draw us in to The Idol and there’ll certainly be plenty to talk about. Levinson and Tesfaye see the upset as pearl-clutching nonsense. In response to the Rolling Stone piece, Tesfaye linked to a scene from the show in which his character calls the magazine “irrelevant”. In the Cannes press conference, Levinson said the article made him realise they were “about to have the biggest show of the summer”. At first, the marketing for the show leaned into this egotistical, Andrew Tate-esque attitude, proudly hailing the pair as having “sick and twisted minds”. Post-backlash, newer trailers for The Idol tone down their involvement and ramp up what is left of Jocelyn’s point of view. Too late.

Depressingly, Levinson is probably right: he will have the biggest show of the summer… but for all the wrong reasons. Shock value might get you eyeballs on screens, but it certainly won’t get you respect.

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57% of Americans said they don’t have enough money to save for retirement, according to Clever Real Estate. (iStock)

As Americans cope with high inflation, many said their stress levels were at an all-time high, according to a recent survey by Clever Real Estate. 

In fact, 61% of respondents said they have never been more stressed and 80% reported they were stressed about the cost of living, the survey said. 

“Although stress comes from many sources, the data shows financial struggles have the most significant impact on Americans’ negative mental state,” Clever said in its report. 

Clever reported the most common sources of financial stress were:

• Not having enough emergency savings (69%)
• Spending more money than they earn (58%)
• Lacking enough money to afford necessities (57%)
• Not having enough saved for retirement (57%)

For many, financial stress has extended beyond their wallets. In fact, 61% of Americans said financial stress has caused them to experience physical symptoms including headaches and lack of sleep, Clever found. 

In addition, 27% of Americans said they’ve skipped meals, and 22% have avoided medical appointments or treatments to save money, according to a survey by Real Estate Witch. 

If you’re struggling with your personal finances, you could consider lowering your monthly payments by paying off high-interest debt with a personal loan at a lower interest rate. Visit Credible to get your personalized rate in minutes. 

RECESSION FEARS RISE: MORE THAN HALF OF AMERICANS SAY THEY’D LOSE EVERYTHING

Inflation is still a top stressor 

Although inflation has cooled in recent months, it has continued to be a major stressor for many Americans, according to several studies. Inflation increased 5% year-over-year in March – down from 6% in February –, signaling the smallest 12-month increase since the end of May 2021, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics (BLS). 

Seventy-four percent of workers around the world said inflation has been the top stressor in their lives, a Fidelity Investments analysis reported. Plus, inflation has increased anxiety by 89% among Americans, based on a five-point rating scale published in the latest Impact of Inflation report by AnalyticsIQ.

“The end of 2022 was the first positive sign that inflation, which began rising in April 2021 approximately a year after the start of the COVID-19 pandemic, was cooling off,” AnalyticsIQ said in its report. “After a year and a half of steady price increases, US consumers are continuing to adjust their finances, lifestyles, and future plans due to elevated interest rates and significant hikes in gas prices and consumer goods of all kinds.”

But while inflation has slowed, the interest rate environment has remained uncertain. To cool inflation, the Federal Reserve increased interest rates several times last year and into 2023. At its latest meeting, the Fed increased interest rates by 25 basis points. That drove the federal funds rate to a targeted range of 4.75% to 5%, the highest level in 15 years. 

If you’re struggling with high-interest debt, you could consider paying it down with a personal loan at a lower interest rate. Visit Credible to compare options from different lenders at once, without affecting your credit score. 

HALF OF AMERICANS SAY THEY’RE FINANCIALLY WORSE THAN LAST YEAR: SURVEY

Americans are stressed about their retirement savings 

Amid financial stressors like the rising costs of goods and economic uncertainty, many Americans have pulled back on retirement savings, a Fidelity analysis found. Americas’ Retirement Score dropped to 78 from its all-time high of 83 in 2020, according to the 2023 Retirement Savings Assessment.

“American savers continue to navigate through uncertainty, and as a result, may consider pulling back on saving for the future,” Rita Assaf, vice president of retirement at Fidelity Investments, said in a March press release. “When it comes to long-term investing, staying focused on your individual goals is critical. Having a plan in place is one solid way to help weather any storm, as we’ve seen the last few years and weeks with the pandemic, inflation and market volatility.”

To meet their retirement needs, people should aim to contribute 15% of their income into a well-diversified portfolio within a tax-advantaged retirement account, Fidelity recommended. That may not be possible for all, but increasing contribution rates by 1% each year could help, Fidelity said.

Most private industry workers (69%) had access to employer-provided retirement plans as of March 2022, according to the BLS. But workers can still invest in their retirement while enjoying tax breaks, even if their employer doesn’t offer retirement benefits. 

Virtually anyone can open a traditional individual retirement account (IRA) through a bank or investment management firm. It works similarly to a traditional 401(k). Contributions may be tax-deductible and investment earnings grow tax-free. Additionally, investors have until the April 18 tax deadline to make tax-deductible contributions for the previous year, according to the IRS website. For instance, taxpayers can make 2022 IRA contributions until April 18, 2023.

If you’re looking for ways to save more for retirement, you could consider paying down high-interest debt with a personal loan at a lower interest rate. Visit Credible to speak with a personal loan expert and get your questions answered.

HALF OF AMERICANS SAY THEY’RE FINANCIALLY WORSE THAN LAST YEAR: SURVEY

Have a finance-related question, but don’t know who to ask? Email The Credible Money Expert at moneyexpert@credible.com and your question might be answered by Credible in our Money Expert column.

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