Editor’s note: If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts or mental health matters, help is available. Dial or text or visit 988lifeline.org for free and confidential support.

CNN
 — 

Does it feel like your family is getting a failing grade on its mental health report card?

Yoga, journaling and monitoring water intake are all great, but pressure to “perform” wellness for friends, family and social media contacts may only intensify feelings of anxiety or depression. Therapeutic interventions are even better but are expensive and can be hard to find.

The fastest and most accessible tool to improve your family’s mental health is not only effective but free: Start talking. Learning how to talk about your own mental health with your child is one of the surefire ways to improve overall family comfort and mental health, according to a new report by the Harvard Graduate School of Education.

“While 18% of teens reported suffering anxiety, about 20% of mothers and 15% of fathers reported anxiety. While 15% of teens reported depression, about 16% of mothers and 10% of fathers did, too,” according to the report.

I spoke with psychologist Richard Weissbourd, a senior lecturer at the Harvard Graduate School of Education and one of the study’s coauthors, about the findings.

This interview has been lightly edited and condensed for clarity.

CNN: What is the connection between a teen’s mental health and that of their parents? 

Richard Weissbourd: Depressed teens are about five times more likely to have depressed parents. Anxious teens are about three times more likely to have an anxious parent. Parents’ influence on teens is profound. It’s perhaps the most important influence on teens’ lives, and we are not going to get very far in solving the teen mental health crisis if we don’t pay attention to parents and to caring for the caregivers.

CNN: The data you collected shows that moms fare worst across families. Why is that the case?

Weissbourd: I think there are a couple things going on. I think moms are more likely to report depression and anxiety than dads because so many dads are disconnected from their feelings — and depression and anxiety often express themselves differently in men than in women. Part of this is reporting and part of this is the caregiving load that mothers are bearing more than fathers are. And it’s not just caregiving (for mothers). It’s being the secretary of the interior, being the person who is getting the laundry done, getting meals prepared and all the things you need to do to maintain a household. And mothers are often working (outside the home) now, too.

I think it’s also that parents can be depressed and anxious when their teens are depressed and anxious, and mothers tend to be much more tuned into their teens than fathers are.

CNN: Is it common for mothers to take on the role of managing other family members’ emotions?

Weissbourd: I think that’s right. Mothers are absorbing difficult emotional dynamics in the family in a way that fathers are not.

CNN: Could a study like this create more work for moms? Now they might think, “I have to mend my own anxiety and my kid’s anxiety and how we’re feeding off of each other?”

Weissbourd: There is a really positive aspect of this for me. And I say this as somebody (for whom) anxiety has traveled in my family. My mom was anxious. My dad was anxious. I have kids who are anxious, and I’m anxious. There’s a way in which, with both anxiety and depression, people can undermine or ignite each other, but they can also really help each other.

My kids and I share coping strategies with each other. My kids have a lot of instincts about how to dial down anxiety and what’s going to make them feel better. And when we talk about it, it’s very validating. It’s very helpful. Parents can model help-seeking behavior, too, with how they get treatment, whether an online resource or seeing a therapist or medication.

We live in an era where teens are often much more emotionally articulate and aware than their parents are, and feel less stigma about accessing mental health services, so I think teens have a lot to teach their parents, too, about these things. So, there are hard aspects of this, but there is also a very hopeful part of this, which is I do think people can support each other.

CNN: What kinds of things should we be opening up about?

Weissbourd: The depression and anxiety we’re picking up (in this study) is serious. We live in a really difficult, perilous time and there is a certain amount of anxiety and feeling down (that’s not clinical) that’s a very appropriate response to the world, and those are super important things for parents and teens to be talking about.

CNN: How can parents ensure that kids aren’t internalizing bad feelings about themselves, even if the parent feels anxious or depressed?

Weissbourd: It can matter if parents can say, “If I’m moody or unpredictable or withdrawn, it’s not your fault. It’s about me. It’s not about you.” And, always reassuring kids that you’re doing things to take care of them. It’s not going to spiral out of control.

CNN: The report also suggests that engaging in activities that give someone a sense of purpose is helpful, such as assisting a neighbor or visiting an isolated grandparent. Can finding a sense of purpose be something just for you, like learning how to play guitar? 

Weissbourd: This purpose and meaning issue is such a staggering problem right now. The reasons (teens feel lack of purpose) vary by community, but the example of playing guitar is a great one in the sense that, the qualifier here is meaningful purpose.

I resist the idea of a single purpose or calling, but I do believe in people having meaningful goals and those goals might be fluid and change over the course of a lifetime. It’s important for people to have goals in high school that can be meaningful. Getting good at an instrument that gives you pleasure and can give other people pleasure too can be very meaningful. It’s the achieving to achieve that can be so soul-squashing for people.

Michelle Icard is the author of “Eight Setbacks That Can Make a Child a Success: What to Do and What to Say to Turn Failures into Character Building Moments.”

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The Send Silence Packing Exhibit, held on College Green on Sept. 5, aimed to raise awareness for suicide prevention.

Credit: Gabriel Steinberg

The Send Silence Packing traveling exhibit returned to Penn’s campus, raising awareness for suicide prevention and motivating students to become advocates for mental health. 

The exhibit, which was held Tuesday, encouraged community members to “send silence packing” — a message that advocates for active listening, caring for one another, and destigmatizing the discussion of mental health on college campuses and beyond. The exhibit also served as a reminder that Penn’s campus has a variety of resources focusing on mental health education ranging from University-run networks of support, like Wellness at Penn or student-led clubs, like Active Minds and CogWell.  

As students, faculty, and community members passed by College Green, they were invited to browse through racks of backpacks that included “stories of loss” as well as “stories of hope” on the subject of mental illness and suicide. 

This year’s exhibit featured more collaborative and engaging experiences as part of the exhibit. Next to the backpacks on display, a makeshift theater showcased the story behind the backpacks in an audio and visual way. This enabled participants to see and hear people who have experienced a loss to suicide. It also helped them understand the importance of a strong support system.

The personal aspect of stories surrounding mental health struggle is what makes CogWell Program Director Melissa Rice fond of this event. She shared her personal connection to mental health awareness, telling The Daily Pennsylvanian that “stories start conversations.”

“A friend noticed signs [of struggles with mental health] and just asked me a question I’d never heard before. Are you okay? I’m here for you, please talk to me, I’m never going to judge you,” Rice said.

CogWell President and College junior Carly Spandorfer said it was important for Penn to hold events like Send Silence Packing at Penn. 

“People often feel like they can’t even talk about their struggles. There’s stigma around it,” Spandorfer said. “Sometimes you have to push your mental health to the side to get work done [and] to get the best internship.” 

Active Minds President Milan Chand explained that the mere presence of the exhibit on campus made a difference.

Chand said that, in addition to the large banner that read “It’s Okay to Not Be Okay,” volunteers from a dozen clubs on campus would hand out small cards.

“Just inviting people to take a step back… to look at these cards that said ‘you are enough,’ ‘you matter,’ or ‘you’re loved,’ and I think that really got people excited to think someone gave them this,” Chand said.

Rice added that the exhibit showcased several of Penn’s mental health resources for students, many of which are more needed now than in previous years, citing the COVID-19 pandemic.

Ephraim Levin, an advisor for CogWell, a Penn chaplain, and a rabbi in the Lubavitch House at Penn, found the event a positive way to educate students on mental health and seek resources. 

“It’s a unique, larger event that shows the staff administration and student groups with a very strong, positive message that Penn is here and aware of the issues… that people feel that they are being supported… and finding what they need,” Levin said.

Counseling and Psychological Services Director of Integrated Care Initiatives Batsirai Bvunzawabaya shared that Tuesday’s event was just one “piece of a larger puzzle.”

“This is one of many events to make sure that we are having an ongoing conversation about mental health and mental illness, talking specifically today about suicide prevention,” Bvunzawabaya said. “We can’t expect students to do well academically or athletically or any facet of their life if we aren’t thinking about their health and well-being.”

Participants were encouraged to close the emotional experience on a high note by placing a post-it note on the “hope wall.”

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“We invited everybody to put up a note or something they’re grateful for, something they learned, or just something that they felt impacted by from today’s event and what they wanted to bring into the world after the day,” Chand said. “Our hope wall was nice and covered after the event.”  

Send Silence Packing visits 60 to 80 schools and communities each year with its display of backpacks, each with a unique story attached, according to its website. Penn is the second school to experience the Active Minds exhibit, Chand said. 

Penn offers many mental health-related resources for students. Wellness at Penn’s Student Health and Counseling offers extensive counseling options and its i care training teaches attendees to recognize mental health issues. Active Minds seeks to eliminate the campus stigma surrounding mental health issues and CogWell promotes active listening by having workshops with a variety of on-campus groups.

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Changing the conversation around mental health is crucial because it affects everyone. Mental health is not just a concern for those who struggle with mental illness or disorders. It is a concern for every individual, as we all have mental health that needs to be maintained and nurtured.

For too long, mental health has been treated as a taboo topic that many people feel uncomfortable discussing. However, this has led to a lack of awareness and understanding of mental health issues, leading to many people suffering in silence.

It is essential to prioritize mental health because it affects every aspect of our lives. Mental health impacts our physical health, relationships, work productivity, and overall well-being. It is essential to address mental health issues to ensure that individuals can lead fulfilling lives.

Furthermore, prioritizing mental health can also have a significant impact on our communities. It can lead to increased empathy, understanding, and support for those who are struggling with mental health issues. It can also help reduce the stigma surrounding mental health, which can lead to more people seeking help when they need it.

One of the most significant barriers to prioritizing mental health is the lack of resources and support available to those who need it. Many people do not have access to mental health services or cannot afford them. This is a systemic issue that needs to be addressed by governments and healthcare providers to ensure that mental health services are accessible to everyone.

In conclusion, changing the conversation around mental health is essential to prioritize mental health as a significant issue that affects everyone. By prioritizing mental health, we can improve our well-being, relationships, work productivity, and communities. It is time to break the stigma surrounding mental health and provide the necessary resources and support to those who need it. We must work together to ensure that mental health is a priority for everyone.

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According to the World Health Organization, women are twice as likely to experience anxiety and depression as men. Additionally, women are more likely to experience trauma and develop post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Women also suffer from eating disorders and addiction at higher rates than men.

Despite these staggering statistics, women’s perspectives and experiences are often overlooked in mental health conversations. Men tend to dominate the conversation, and research often focuses on men’s experiences. This can lead to a lack of understanding of women’s unique struggles and needs.

One reason why women’s voices matter in the mental health conversation is that women face unique challenges that men do not. For example, women are more likely to experience discrimination, harassment, and abuse, which can lead to mental health issues. Women also often face societal expectations that can lead to stress and anxiety. These experiences need to be acknowledged and addressed in mental health conversations.

Another reason why women’s voices matter in the mental health conversation is that women often have different coping mechanisms and treatment needs than men. For example, women may be more likely to seek support from social networks and may benefit from group therapy. Women may also face barriers to accessing mental health care, such as financial constraints or lack of childcare. These issues need to be addressed to ensure that women can access the care they need.

Finally, women’s voices matter in the mental health conversation because they can help reduce stigma. Mental health is often stigmatized, and women can play a vital role in changing this. By speaking openly about their experiences, women can help reduce the shame and stigma associated with mental health issues. This can encourage others to seek help and reduce the negative impact of mental health issues on individuals and society as a whole.

In conclusion, women’s voices are essential in the mental health conversation. Women face unique challenges, coping mechanisms, and treatment needs that need to be acknowledged and addressed. By including women’s perspectives and experiences in mental health conversations, we can better understand and address mental health issues. Additionally, women can play a vital role in reducing the stigma associated with mental health, which can improve outcomes for individuals and society as a whole.

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Fortunately, there is a growing movement to break down the barriers and start a conversation around mental health. One of the most powerful tools in this effort has been the rise of self-help groups.

Self-help groups are peer-led support groups where individuals with similar experiences can come together to share their struggles and successes. These groups can be incredibly powerful, providing a safe and supportive environment where people can connect with others who understand what they are going through.

One of the biggest benefits of self-help groups is that they help to break down the stigma around mental illness. By providing a space where people can openly discuss their struggles, these groups help to normalize the experience of mental illness and show that it is nothing to be ashamed of.

Self-help groups also provide a sense of community and belonging, which can be crucial for people with mental illness who often feel isolated and alone. By connecting with others who have similar experiences, people can find a sense of validation and understanding that can be difficult to find elsewhere.

Perhaps most importantly, self-help groups have been shown to be incredibly effective in helping people manage their mental health. A study published in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology found that participation in self-help groups was associated with significant improvements in depression, anxiety, and other mental health symptoms.

Of course, self-help groups are not a substitute for professional treatment, and it is always important to seek help from a qualified mental health provider if you are struggling with mental illness. However, self-help groups can be a valuable complement to traditional treatment, providing an additional source of support and encouragement.

If you are struggling with mental illness, consider reaching out to a self-help group in your area. You may be surprised by how much it can help to connect with others who understand what you are going through. And if you are interested in starting your own self-help group, there are many resources available to help you get started.

Breaking the stigma around mental illness is a long and difficult process, but self-help groups are proving to be a powerful tool in this effort. By providing a space where people can connect, share their experiences, and support each other, these groups are changing the conversation around mental health and helping to create a more compassionate and understanding society.

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SANTA BARBARA, Calif. – ‘Be mindful.’ Those two words translate to self-care at a time when each and every one of us is needing that, some more than others. 

Most experts agree, the biggest life-changing lesson in a post-pandemic world is the need for a community conversation about mental health.

Two local experts shared the scope of struggles for those living with mental illness across Santa Barbara County.

Will Fuller with Family Service Agency via Zoom (Beth Farnsworth/KEYT)

“I would challenge the parents, the grandparents to really speak to their children and ask them how they’re doing,” said Will Fuller, Youth & Family Behavioral Program Manger – Family Service Agency of Santa Barbara (FSA). “And, not be afraid if they share something that feels like it’s out of their scope of what they can do, because that starts a conversation.”

Rachel Steidl, YouthWell (Beth Farnsworth/KEYT)

“This is not about socio-economics. It’s not about backgrounds. We have a lot of children and young adults who are struggling. And the need’s only increasing,” said Rachel Steidl, Executive Director of YouthWell. “I’m talking about young people with insurance, young people without insurance. I’m talking about young people with Medi-Cal. I think it’s really important for people to understand that we have kids across the sectors who are struggling.”

All of Santa Barbara County is seeing a dramatic rise in depression, homelessness, abuse, substance abuse and, more. 

(Courtesy: Suzanne Grimmesey/SB Co Dept of Behavioral Wellness)

Overdose deaths involving opioids or stimulants are up. In south Santa Barbara County, 22 people took their own lives last year. When it comes to Admissions for Service for both Mental Health and Substance Use Disorder, North County ranks tops.

Fuller said FSA delivers 65% of its resources to mid and North County, which includes Santa Maria, Lompoc and communities in the Santa Ynez Valley.

“Our agency recognizes that the North County regions are disproportionately disadvantaged and so the youths that we serve are often dealing with food and housing insecurities and this is compounded by the multi-generational family trauma that they’re experiencing.”

Fuller said last year, FSA supported more than 28,000 people in North County. Many of the cases involved Transition Age Youth (TAY) — teens and young adults between the ages of 16 and 25. 

He shared that TAY age group is often dealing with the higher levels of acuity; suicidal ideation, risk of early onset psychosis and, a risk of being targeted in Commercial Sexual Exploitation of Children (CSEC) — involving a range of crimes and activities.

Fuller oversees a team of 10 therapists in Lompoc and Santa Maria and called the FSA program “intense.”

“The stories that they share about the youth they serve are incredibly heartbreaking and yet these children are resilient.”

When asked about the two, current trends he’s seeing?

“Suicidal ideation and bullying. Bullying right now is not like it was years ago where it was just confined to school settings. Now, with social media, bullying can follow kids everywhere so kids are having to traverse a minefield of social media at the same time that they’re trying to develop.”

Fuller said that combination of resilience along with the therapists’ passion and dedication really engenders hope and allows for healing.  

“Every age group has been impacted differently,” said Steidl.

The YouthWell organization focuses on youth (through age 25) and families. Steidl said mental health issues affect everyone from elementary school children through college-aged adults as well as parents and grandparents.

Both Steidl and Fuller blame the pandemic for exacerbating mental health-related problems.

“Socially, a lot of our young people are behind,” said Steidl.

She stressed the importance of giving young people and families the tools to manage mental health and to learn “side by side.” And, the need for people to feel connected and less alone.

“Just because I’m sad doesn’t mean I have depression. Just because I’m feeling anxious today doesn’t mean I have an anxiety disorder. As an adolescent, it can be really challenging during this time to navigate that.”

It can also be challenging to navigate the need for professional help.

“It’s really ok to not have to be in crisis to ask for support,” said Steidl. “Whether you’re a parent or a young person, to be able to go, ‘There are other people who feel this way, I’m not alone in this. There is not something wrong with me.'”

She said there are simple things people can do daily for their mental health and well-being.

“It’s being engaged in sports, being engaged in music lessons, things that excite you, things that put you around other people are so important right now. Volunteering is a huge one. And, internships for young people.”

Also, getting outdoors each day and, breathing exercises.

“My kids love to tease me when they see me in the car and they’ll say, ‘You’re doing a wellness breath right now, aren’t you mom?’ ‘Yes!’ she laughed. ‘Because right now this argument is elevating my stress!'”

Both Steidl and Fuller said they’re excited about News Channel’s new ‘Be Mindful’ campaign.

“I think it’s incredibly exciting,” said Fuller. “The fact that you guys are putting it front and center and really giving that forum is gonna, hopefully, continue to expand the conversation and bring people who haven’t been part of that conversation, into that space”

“I don’t think that we can do enough to talk about this issue. I think what’s so important when we talk about mental health and wellness is that we all have it,” said Steidl.

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It was after taking on his first management job that Jaan Madan discovered the impact of a conversation. Having recently moved to a new area with his young family, he was determined to excel at work — but his mental health soon started to deteriorate.

“Quite rapidly, my performance dropped,” he says. “I was coming to work earlier, I was staying later, I was trying to catch up. It was having an impact on my personal life, the team was starting to drift, and were unhappy.”

Now global head of training development at MindForward Alliance, a non-profit working with big businesses, Madan remembers a turning point came when “someone senior to me came up one afternoon and said, ‘Turn your computer off, let’s go for a walk together,’ and asked me how I was”.

Research from the charity Mind suggests that work is often the biggest cause of stress in people’s lives, and that people experiencing poor mental health struggle to concentrate and will put off challenging tasks.

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To mitigate this, experts say communication is critical. Miriam Earley, director of inclusion and wellbeing at Deloitte, points out that if an employee had a “broken leg, we’d want to know, so we can ensure the right adjustments are in place — and we take the same approach with mental health”.

This can be as simple as an employee talking to a manager about practical ways to support their wellbeing. Andrew Berrie, Mind’s head of workplace wellbeing, says: “It might be [you’re given the time to] go for a walk in the park, it might be picking the kids up from school. It’s having a conversation with your manager about how to facilitate that.” Deloitte has formalised this idea through its “ways of working framework”, which offers a template of prompts to help colleagues communicate their wellbeing needs.

For managers, meanwhile, ensuring a healthy workplace culture is more complex than simply offering “fruit bowls and yoga”, notes Madan. “It’s about building relationships, trust and connection,” he says. “To be effective, [managers] have to engender these values every day.”

The importance of this trust can be seen in recent studies. According to Mind’s research, only 35 per cent of those aged 18 to 24 say they would disclose a workplace mental health problem, compared with half of older workers. Despite the younger generation being “the most mentally literate” yet, says Berrie, “stigma hardens in times of economic hardship”.

Managers’ roles in overcoming this are vital. A report from the Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development this month said there were clear links between line manager quality and employee mental health. In part, this comes from “getting to know an individual and ongoing conversations”, says Rachel Suff, senior policy adviser at CIPD. “I have a weekly catch-up with my manager and the environment feels safe. It’s natural for him to ask me how I am, and that question to be meaningful.”

The environment in which these regular conversations take place matters. As far as possible, it should allow for a confidential discussion, says Berrie. This means putting phones on silent to avoid interruptions. If it is a virtual meeting, give appropriate notice to your colleague so they can find a confidential space.

Beyond regular check-ins, managers may notice changes in a worker’s behaviour, such as missing deadlines or being less talkative. Asking questions is fine, as long as they are non-judgmental and focus on the person, not their performance. For example, “I’ve noticed you’ve been arriving late recently. Let’s put work to one side for the moment, is everything OK?”

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One pitfall, says Berrie, is making assumptions. Some managers might have had a previous employee who suffered mental ill health, but comparisons are often unhelpful. “Something we heard reported during the pandemic was people being asked, ‘[If] everyone else is in the same boat and they’re doing the fine, why can’t you?’”

Managers need to recognise their limitations, too, says Earley, “so people can access expert help they need” — whether that is from HR or a doctor. They may need proper training, in addition to being given the necessary resources and time. Otherwise, warns Suff, there’s a risk “managers just approach it as a formalistic tick box”.

Not every employee will open up at work — and that is OK. “You’re someone’s manager and, regardless of your role, you’re probably not their therapist as well,” says Madan. “There isn’t a magic sentence you can use. If people don’t want to talk to you, then it’s about recognising and honouring that.”

Or, as Suff puts it, a colleague’s wellbeing is sometimes “outside the organisation’s control — but what the organisation can do is make sure that it doesn’t make that problem worse”.

Top tips from professionals on what to do — and avoid

Do

• Choose a location where you can talk in private and where the employee will feel comfortable.

• Use simple, non-judgmental questions and a calm voice, listening carefully.

• Follow up with a plan of next steps, which can be reviewed regularly. If you’re not sure where to start, the charity Mind has a template.

Don’t

• Make assumptions about the employees health, symptoms, or how it might be affecting their work.

• Get distracted from the conversation. Put phones away, avoid interruptions from colleagues and focus on the person.

• Try to solve their problem on your own. It is important to recognise boundaries and, where appropriate, encourage the employee to speak to an expert.

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The Kardashians season 3 trailer was recently released, leaving fans excited about the upcoming drama. In addition to the fights and tears, the clip also featured Kylie Jenner talking about “beauty standards.” She admitted in the trailer that she regretted getting anything artificial done to her face.

The Kardashians fans lauded the model for being mindful and starting an important discussion on the show.

Fans react to Kylie Jenner’s beauty standard conversation (Image via kardashianshulu/Instagram)

For the first time ever on the show, Kylie started the conversation about the beauty standards they were setting as TV personalities. Although people believed that she went under the knife multiple times, Kylie only admitted to having lip fillers.

The Kardashians season 3 trailer: Kylie Jenner doesn’t want her daughter to do what she did

The intense trailer of The Kardashians season 3 included Kylie Jenner trying to bring change with her conversations about beauty standards.

In the clip, she told her sisters:

“All of us just need to have a bigger conversation about the beauty standards that we’re setting.”

She was then seen telling her friend:

“I don’t want my daughter to do the things I did. I wish I’d never touched anything to begin with.”

Her viewpoint left fans impressed as they shared their opinions on social media.

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