Life can feel like a dark forest with no path: you start out with enthusiasm and optimism but you find yourself lost. 

If you’re feeling this way I can relate completely. 

The key to lighting a torch in the darkness and finding a path starts with changing the habits you do and the things you find normal in your life. 

Your journey to change your life lies in changing what you do every day. 

Here are the top habits to kick in order to clarify where you want to go in life and how to get there. 

1) Complaining 

We all have the desire to complain sometimes. 

I used to complain so much that I drove away friends and became known as a negative, toxic person. 

In a way it was true. 

It’s not that I was a die-hard pessimist or even all that weak, it’s that I became so focused on what I found unsatisfying and lacking in my life that I completely embraced the victim mentality. 

This was a hard habit to break, but I find that every time I complain excessively I feel noticeably worse and more defeated and downtrodden by life. 

Mentioning something unsatisfactory or unacceptable is perfectly fine, but complaining for the sake of emotional venting is generally very counterproductive.

This is a habit everyone should try to break: complain as little as possible, even when you really want to. 

2) Catastrophizing 

The next habit to drop is catastrophizing. 

This is something I also used to do constantly: I would imagine the worst possible scenario or accident happening to myself or people I loved. 

Granted this was part of a fairly serious anxiety disorder I was struggling with, but even for those who aren’t facing mental health concerns this remains a serious challenge. 

Let’s be honest:

Horrible things can and do happen in life. It’s not bad to be at least aware of that. 

But when you try to feel a sense of control by already pre-imagining everything that can go wrong you create a damaging feedback loop that keeps you in a constant state of fear. 

3) Procrastinating 

Procrastinating happens to almost everyone at some time or another. 

But it can quickly become an actual habit, eating up hours and days of your life when you could be doing something productive – or at least enjoyable!

That’s the thing, procrastinating isn’t really the same as relaxing or enjoying yourself. 

It’s more often clicking on another YouTube video you’re barely even interested in just to pass the time, or playing a video game because “why not?” even though you actually promised your girlfriend you’d clean the house earlier. 

The result of this isn’t just that less gets done, it’s that you lose respect for yourself and stop believing your own promises. 

As a result, you slowly start to feel more and more lost in life. 

4) Neglecting yourself

In the opposite way that over-indulgence and vanity can become a bad habit, self-neglect is a serious issue. 

This is often born from low self-esteem, but it can also be the kind of habit you carry on without even being conscious of it. 

I have friends who rarely look after their appearance or style, for example, because they were taught from a young age that they aren’t valuable. 

They absorbed certain lessers of low value, often from parents and peers, and as a result end up neglecting themselves and their needs.  

5) Hiding yourself

The next unfortunate habit is when we learn to hide ourselves or try to downplay our needs, wants and beliefs. 

“What, me? No I’m fine,” you tell your friend as he smokes next to you and gives you asthma. 

Hiding your light under a bushel does yourself and others a disservice. 

You’re not just undervaluing yourself, you’re also depriving others of all the talents and wonderful things you have to share. 

Speak clearly, speak proud, be yourself! 

This leads me to the next point… 

6) People pleasing 

People pleasing is a very sneaky habit that can creep up on you if you’re not careful. 

None of us want to clash or have conflicts, but people pleasing crosses the line into considering our decisions and behavior based on how others will receive them rather than on what we truly want. 

It’s OK to say no. 

And it’s OK to disappoint people sometimes in order to do what’s necessary for your own life and in line with your own values. 

7) Seeking validation

A counterpart to people-pleasing is seeking validation. 

This is very common in more introverted people and can become a truly terrible and disempowering habit. 

It’s important not to seek external validation or approval from other, because it makes you dependent and weakened.

Not only is your self-worth now depending on the next opinion you hear, you’re also potentially opening yourself to manipulators, egoists and bullies who can prey on this need of yours to benefit or take advantage of you in numerous ways.

8) Looking for completion in others 

On a related note is the habit of looking for completion in others, especially in romantic partners. 

I understand this urge and that it’s easy to say you’re well past it when you actually aren’t…

Being happy with somebody or falling in love with somebody is an amazing experience. 

But it’s crucial to ensure you never hinge your self-worth or well-being on the love or approval you receive from another person, even a person you love and care for deeply. 

Instead, try to develop yourself as fully as possible and think of romance as a meeting of two whole beings rather than two halves of a whole. 

9) Fearing rejection 

Rejection hurts. Psychologists have shown it’s connected to our survival system because in our ancestral past rejection was often the same (or worse) than death. 

Being kicked out of the tribe or turned down for marriage wasn’t just sad, or a drag: 

It potentially meant being cut off from actual food, water, physical protection and a future of any kind. 

Rejection hurts no matter what you do. And it will happen in one form or another, whether it’s in friendships, relationships, business ties or family situations. 

You can’t stop it from hurting, but it’s crucial not to fear it and not to ever believe that rejection defines your worth. 

It doesn’t and it can’t. 

10) Chasing drama 

On the flipside of fearing rejection and wanting people-pleasing is addiction to drama. 

This is surprisingly common, especially in today’s social media-mad age. 

It’s true:

Drama, gossip, anger and confrontation can be entertaining. 

But in the end it just leaves you feeling empty and wastes your time, especially once the drama circles around to you!

Then it’s not so fun anymore. 

The solution is to avoid talking much about others or judging them. It tends to circle back around.  

11) Buying into self-defeating narratives 

We all have a script that we star in (or play a supporting role in). 

That’s our story, our life as we know it.

Make sure that whatever starting setting and details you were given (your basic identity) doesn’t trap you in a cycle.

“Oh I’m just this random guy who grew up poor. I’m nothing.”

“I’m that girl who got bullied in high school, nobody really appreciates me.”

These experiences and painful narratives are real in the sense that they’re almost always based on real trauma and real struggle. 

But choosing to continue believing them and cling to them damages you. 

It sabotages every area of your life that you let it enter.

It’s crucial to write a new script or at least make major edits:

You’re the hero. You can do this. You will find love. You’re a great person. 

This isn’t a mantra or some hokey self-help trick, this is your life. This is who you are and you know this.

12) Buying into overly idealistic narratives 

On the flip side of being lost in fears of deficiency and abandonment is being lost in daydreams. 

You can end up getting so used to believing in a perfect utopia that you miss the broken but worthwhile world around you. 

Idealism can be great when it drives real action.

But it can also be quite divorced from reality and actually weaken your resolve, almost like a siren song leading you away from your goal. 

Whether it’s love, finances, future goals or your spiritual journey, make sure you’re not just believing whatever happens to make you feel nice or give you a buzz. 

Make sure it’s real. 

Be careful of daydreaming and idealizing too much, because real life can pass you by!

Finding your way

Saying goodbye to the following habits will give you a big boost.

There’s no guarantee that everything will be smooth sailing, but that’s just the point:

Life’s already a challenge, don’t make it worse on yourself by engaging in the habits above. 

Everyone has their struggles in life, but at least we can do our best to ensure that our struggles are meaningful and part of a path forward! 

Source link

The post If you’re feeling lost in life, say goodbye to these 12 habits appeared first on Minds Valley.

Two friends of recent Summit High School graduate Charlie Foster, who was shot and killed by police, crouch at his memorial in Summit Cove on Wednesday, July 12.
Robert Tann/Summit Daily News

Kneeling before several bouquets of flowers, two young Summit County residents held each other in silence on Wednesday afternoon as they remembered the friend they’d lost days earlier. 

The memorial for 18-year-old Charlie Foster sat near the intersection of Summit Drive and Idlewild Drive in Summit Cove, the area where Foster was shot and killed by law enforcement officers Sunday morning. 

“No one really got to say goodbye, and I think that’s been the hardest thing,” said Wes Dennis, a soon-to-be high school senior who met Foster during freshman year. “I wish I got to say goodbye — told him I loved him one last time.” 

Foster, who had graduated Summit High weeks ago, had recently been struggling with mental health-related issues, Dennis said. 

He was apparently known to police from his interactions over the past three weeks with the Systemwide Mental Assessment Response Team, also known as SMART, which handles mental-health related calls, according to Summit County Sheriff Jaime FitzSimons. 

A statement from law enforcement stated that officers responded to a report Sunday morning of an “armed individual wandering in the neighborhood waving a firearm and banging on residents’ doors.” Officers claim Foster failed to comply with verbal commands and pointed a handgun at law enforcement officers, who subsequently shot and killed him. 

A family member claims the weapon was a BB gun, a detail the sheriff’s office has not clarified. 

As the county becomes enveloped by grief, local counselors are predicting far reaching mental health impacts across the community. 

“I don’t know what the impacts will be necessarily, but I can say that it does affect the entire community, especially since we are such a tight-knit community,” said Kellyn Ender, executive director for the nonprofit Building Hope. “The ripple effects can be big.” 

Edner said the incident comes as many current and former Summit High School students navigate the fallout of other tragic events, including the death of two students by suicide in 2020. 

“Summit High School students have been through a lot in the last few years … I can only imagine that grief is heavy to process,” Edner said. “Any time we lose a peer, it’s extremely difficult.”

On Monday, the day after Foster’s death, Building Hope hosted a walk-in mental health clinic at the high school. Ender said between six and 10 people came, made up of students and their families. 

Edner said the nonprofit is planning future sessions in the coming weeks as she and other community partners rally to get the word out that help is on the way. 

“You never know what the community is going to want or be ready for when a tragedy like this happens,” Edner said. “Even if just one person shows up, we’re glad to be there for that person.”

Wes Dennis, an incoming senior at Summit High School, crouches by a memorial for his friend, 18-year-old Charlie Foster, in Summit Cove on Wednesday, July 12. Robert Tann/Summit Daily News

Kelly Finley, lead counselor for the high school, said right now “kids are hurting, adults are hurting” and urged parents and family members to “make space and have those honest conversations with yourself and your family.” 

“This mental health crisis that we’re seeing is not contained to Summit County, it’s not contained to the state of Colorado,” Finley said. “We are seeing a mental health crisis with our youth across the country and world.”

The school district employs a multi-pronged mental health approach dubbed “sources of strength” to help students and families navigate such challenges. The practice centers on eight foundational elements: mental health, physical health, healthy activities, family support, positive friends, mentors, generosity and spirituality. 

Anna Howden, a high school psychologist, said many of these elements can overlap and often will mean different things to people. Spirituality, for example, may be religion, but it could also be connecting with nature by being outdoors. 

Finley said she and other high school mental health practitioners are doing what they can to monitor and respond to students who are reaching out. While counselors won’t officially be back on the job until the school year begins in August, there are resources and programs available now. 

That includes assistance offered through Building Hope, which provides scholarships that pay for up to 12 sessions with a contracted therapist in the county. Anyone can also call Building Hope’s main phone number, 970-485-6271, to be connected with the organization’s peer support line. 

Flowers that are part of a memorial near the intersection of Summit Drive and Idlewild Drive in Summit Cove are pictured on Wednesday, July 12. In the same area days earlier, 18-year-old Charlie Foster was shot and killed by police.Robert Tann/Summit Daily News

The service is free and is meant for anyone who “needs a space to talk and process,” though Edner said this is not the same as a crisis line, which is for immediate, mental health-related emergencies. 

Outside of Summit County, the state offers up to six free virtual therapy sessions through the I Matter program. A brief survey connects parents and youth with therapists for confidential sessions. 

Conversations between parents and children are crucial, said Edner, who advised family members to hear their children out even if they can’t remedy the situation.

“I think that parents allowing kids to be able to express their emotions and how they’re working through it is important, not trying to just make them feel better,” Edner said, emphasizing that parents should be patient and calm as they let their children process their emotions. 

“I’m sure that parents are scared too,” Edner said. “I would just say hug your kids. Let them know that you love them and you’re there for them and no matter what’s going on in their life that you’re an open door for them.”

As community members continue to navigate the coming weeks and months, Edner said her hope is for Summit County residents to “support one another through this tragedy.”

Dennis, the friend of Foster, said he wants everyone to “check on your friends regularly.”

“That’s something I always do,” Dennis said. “I’d hate to see this happen to anybody else.”

Source link

The post ‘No one really got to say goodbye:’ A grieving Summit County faces mental health fallout of 18-year-old’s shooting appeared first on Minds Valley.

Here are 20 mindfulness techniques that can help you say goodbye to stress:

1. Deep breathing – Take slow, deep breaths, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. Focus on your breath and let everything else go.

2. Body scan – Lie down and focus on each part of your body, starting with your toes and moving up to your head. Notice any tension or discomfort and release it.

3. Yoga – Practice yoga poses that help release tension and promote relaxation, such as Child’s Pose, Corpse Pose, and Cat-Cow Pose.

4. Meditation – Sit in a comfortable position and focus on your breath. When your mind wanders, gently bring it back to your breath.

5. Visualization – Imagine a peaceful scene, such as a beach or a forest, and focus on the details. Allow yourself to feel calm and relaxed.

6. Gratitude journaling – Write down three things you’re grateful for each day. This can shift your focus from stress to gratitude.

7. Mindful eating – Eat slowly and savor each bite. Pay attention to the taste, texture, and smell of your food.

8. Mindful walking – Take a walk and focus on your surroundings. Notice the sights, sounds, and smells around you.

9. Progressive muscle relaxation – Tense and relax each muscle group in your body, starting with your toes and moving up to your head.

10. Grounding – Focus on your senses, such as the feeling of your feet on the ground or the sound of your breath.

11. Mindful coloring – Color in a coloring book and focus on each stroke. Allow yourself to be present in the moment.

12. Mindful listening – Listen to music or sounds and focus on each note or sound. Allow yourself to be fully present in the experience.

13. Mindful showering – Take a shower and focus on the feeling of the water on your skin. Notice the temperature and the sensation.

14. Mindful cleaning – Clean your home or workspace mindfully, focusing on each task and the sensations of cleaning.

15. Mindful stretching – Stretch your body and focus on the feeling of the stretch. Notice any tension and release it.

16. Mindful tea drinking – Brew a cup of tea and focus on the taste and smell. Allow yourself to relax and enjoy the moment.

17. Mindful listening to nature – Listen to the sounds of nature, such as birds chirping or leaves rustling. Allow yourself to be present in the experience.

18. Mindful gratitude practice – Each day, write down three things you’re grateful for. This can shift your focus from stress to gratitude.

19. Mindful breathing exercises – Practice breathing exercises that help calm the mind and body, such as alternate nostril breathing or square breathing.

20. Mindful body movement – Practice gentle movement exercises, such as tai chi or qigong, and focus on the sensations in your body.

In conclusion, stress is a part of life, but it doesn’t have to control us. By practicing mindfulness techniques, we can learn to manage stress and improve our overall well-being. Try incorporating these techniques into your daily routine and see how they can transform your life.

The post Say Goodbye to Stress with These 20 Mindfulness Techniques appeared first on Minds Valley.

The post Poetic Goodbye Writer Service Near Me Ardmore St Riverside CA 92507 appeared first on Minds Valley.

The post Poetic Goodbye Writer Service For Residents Living By Cottage St Riverside CA 92507 appeared first on Minds Valley.

The post Poetic Goodbye Writer Service For Residents Living By Thornton St Riverside CA 92507 appeared first on Minds Valley.

The post Poetic Goodbye Writer Service on Telegraph Rd Riverside CA 92507 appeared first on Minds Valley.

The post Poetic Goodbye Writer Service For Residents Living By University Pl Riverside CA 92507 appeared first on Minds Valley.