ROCHESTER — Nights like Friday are made for football players like AJ Quimby.

The bright lights at Rochester Regional Stadium. A familiar rival, La Crescent-Hokah, on the opposite sideline. Some light rain off and on throughout the first half, then a steady dose of it in the second half.

Quimby, his friends say, would have been the happiest player in Rochester Lourdes’ purple and gold. And the fact that the scoreboard read Lourdes 31, La Crescent-Hokah 13, at the final buzzer would’ve been icing on the cake.

“AJ would have loved being out here tonight,” Lourdes junior Zach Guyer said. “He loved the Friday Night Lights, the rain … he’d have loved this.”

Quimby’s friends and teammates would have loved to have him there, too. In his absence, they did the next best thing, with coaches, cheerleaders and the Lourdes student section forming a small sea of orange, with T-shirts, sweatshirts, hats, pants and any other orange clothing they could find. Orange was Quimby’s favorite color, and making it a noticeable part of the evening was one of many ways the Lourdes community honored him on Mental Health Awareness Night at Rochester Regional Stadium.

Quimby died on May 4 after silently struggling with his mental health.

“Speaking up about how you’re feeling, it’s huge,” said Guyer, one of Quimby’s closest friends. “I personally have been through spots like that. Talking to people was the best thing I could do. The best thing to do is just speak up.”

What still hurts Quimby’s friends, classmates and coaches the most is that they didn’t know the depths of his hurt, that he showed no signs.

“Check up on your friends, even if they seem fine,” said Silas Pederson, another close friend, classmate and teammate of Quimby. “I had no idea that AJ was in pain at all. If I could go back in time and change it at all, I would in a heartbeat. Keep talking to your friends, make sure they’re OK. If they seem distant, text them, call them, go to their house, find out what’s happening with them.”

Lourdes, in cooperation with La Crescent-Hokah head coach Terry Donovan and his players, also honored Quimby on the opening play of Friday’s game. The Lancers received the ball to start the game. On the first play from scrimmage, Lourdes sent just 10 players onto the field, leaving one position open in memory of Quimby, who wore No. 62 — the number printed on the front of many of the orange shirts worn by coaches, cheerleaders and fans.

On the back of those shirts was a message, in all capital letters: “YOU ARE NOT ALONE. WE ARE TOGETHER.”

The back of Lourdes football head coach Mike Kesler’s T-shirt is shown here with the message “YOU ARE NOT ALONE. WE ARE TOGETHER.” Kesler, Lourdes’ assistant coaches, cheerleaders and many fans wore these specially made shirts at the Eagles’ game against La Crescent-Hokah on Friday, Sept. 22, 2023. It was Mental Health Awareness Night at Rochester Regional Stadium, and Lourdes honored former player AJ Quimby, who died last spring after struggling with mental health troubles. The shirts had Quimby’s number, 62, on the front, and a moment of silence was held for him after the opening play of the game.

Jason Feldman / Post Bulletin

As players and coaches on both teams stood in silence, the play clock ran down and La Crescent-Hokah took a delay of game penalty. Lourdes declined the penalty, then an announcement was made to the crowd about how and why the teams were honoring Quimby.

“I’m just so thankful for the school system for allowing us to do this,” Eagles head coach Mike Kesler said, “and to the Quimby family for helping us raise awareness. Our hearts and prayers still go out to them every day. Hopefully we can make a difference. If this affects one kid, one life, if someone makes a call because of this tonight, it’s all worth it.”

Through the pain of losing a close friend, Guyer and Pederson are still able to smile and laugh when they remember all the good times they had together, and when they see any of Quimby’s family — his mom, Jenna; his dad, Dustin; and his siblings, Kaitlyn, Kaydra and Jaxson.

“I’ve known AJ for 10 years, since first grade. He’s always pushed me to do everything he did. He’d always push me in the weight room, push me to go on Black Diamonds (the most difficult ski runs) at Welch Village — a little bit of peer pressure going on there,” Pederson said with a laugh. “And yeah, I did (go on the Black Diamonds). He was always the one who … just such a funny kid. If I was down, he’d always bring me up with his jokes.

“It’s been really hard losing him, just really unexpected, on May 4. It’s been different, but he’s remembered every day.”

By all accounts, Quimby loved everything about football, whether it was practicing with his teammates, playing in a game or cheering on his teammates from the sideline.

“He wasn’t the biggest guy, but he gave 100% no matter what, whether he was in the game or not, or if he was on scout team during practices, he’d always give 100%,” Guyer said. “He was one of my closest friends; I’d only known him for a year, but we still grew close. He was a great person who really drove me to do better.”

Quimby fit the mold of a traditional Lourdes lineman — never the biggest guy on the field, but rarely, if ever, outworked.

“AJ was quite a character,” Kesler said with a laugh, “and he loved football. It was his favorite thing. He was undersized, playing line for us, but he was always flying around 100 miles per hour. He didn’t care, didn’t care about his body, he just wanted to play.

“That’s what we talk about sometimes, play like your hair’s on fire. That was AJ. We loved that about him, loved his energy — sometimes he had a little too much (laughs), and his family would say the same.”

‘Still struggling with this’

When Kesler approached Donovan and the Lancers’ coaching staff about honoring Quimby on the first play of Friday’s game, there was no hesitation on Donovan’s part. In fact, Kesler said, after hearing Quimby’s story and how it has affected his friends and fellow Lourdes students, Donovan brought that message to his students at La Crescent-Hokah.

“Coach Donovan, we can’t thank him and his team and community enough,” Kesler said. “He told me a story about his class (Friday), how they talked about it. He was telling me that they’re having a conversation in La Crescent about this. That’s the goal, to spread the word and (raise awareness). … That’s the goal, it’s just tough.

“We miss AJ every day. His friends, these kids, they’re still struggling with it. I’m just really proud of all of them and this school’s community for getting on board with this.”

Lourdes teammates write “AJ” with a heart on their forearm before a softball game on Wednesday, May 10, 2023, at Rochester Youth Fastpitch Softball Complex in Rochester. Their schoolmate, Alexander Jayce (AJ) Quimby, 16, passed away Thursday, May 4, 2023. His favorite color was orange.

Post Bulletin file photo

Lourdes players and coaches also honored Quimby by raising more than $3,000 and registering to walk as “Team AJ” in this past Saturday’s NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) Walk at Silver Lake Park in Rochester. It’s all in an effort to honor Quimby and to offer support and hope to anyone — adult or child, man or woman — who is struggling with their mental health.

“It means a lot,” Guyer said of all of the orange shirts and clothing he saw in the crowd Friday night. “All these people, they really care about AJ. I care about him.

“It sucks to lose someone like that, especially when you know how many people care about him. You just wish he knew that.”

Pederson agreed, adding: “Especially now with mental health becoming more prevalent and the suicide rate coming up, there needs to be a lot more changes. (Friday’s tribute) will be a start, the NAMI walk will be a start.

“There’s still a lot of growing and awareness that needs to be raised for this, but I think we’ve done well to bring awareness so far.”

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Granger Smith experienced every parent’s worst nightmare: the loss of his own child. River, Smith and his wife, Amber’s son, tragically passed away in 2019, after accidentally drowning in the family’s pool. It was Smith who discovered the three-year-old, with the memories of that fateful night haunting him, launching him into a downward spiral that at one time he wasn’t sure he would ever escape.

“I would wake up in the middle of the night many times, and I would wake up and go, ‘I lost my son,’ and then I couldn’t go back to sleep,” Smith tells Entertainment Tonight. “It was every night, so I would take weed in some form so that hopefully I would sleep all night and it worked. It felt good and so then, I thought, ‘Well, I might as well go and have in the morning, too, in case something happens at breakfast, and then I might as well make sure around lunchtime.’”

The Texas native’s dependency on a substance to at least take the edge off of the pain became the only way he knew, at least at the time, to cope with the endless memories that flooded his mind.

“And then I thought if I don’t have it, I’m in trouble, and the slideshow’s gonna overtake me,” Smith admits. “And the slideshow was just random images of River, of losing him and whether he’s face down in the pool or I’m holding him or we’re going to the hospital or the doctor saying, ‘We’re gonna lose him.’”

Smith is now bravely sharing the night he hit rock bottom, and how he recovered, in hopes that his story will offer hope to others who also feel like there is no way out of their pain. The singer was drunk on his bus, with a gun in his hand, when he thought the only solution was to take his own life.

“That night on Wildflower in that back bedroom — that was just as rock bottom as it got to be honest … There was one night in Boise, Idaho, where I just wanted to end it all, when the weed wasn’t working anymore, and the alcohol couldn’t numb it and self-help certainly couldn’t help anymore, ’cause it takes a level of strength to self-help,” Smith remembers. “And when you don’t have any strength, what do you do? Maybe the only answer is to end it all because maybe that’s where the peace is. Maybe that’s when you can finally rest in that.”

Fortunately, it was thinking about his wife and his two surviving children that gave Smith the strength to pull through, and find hope on the other side of the tragedy.

“I had one thought and it was Lincoln and London, my two kids at home,” Smith shares. “That was the first thought that hit me.  I just saw their faces and then I said, ‘Jesus, help me.’ …I said, ‘Jesus, save me,’ and suddenly I felt life sort of stop for the first time. The slideshow stopped. I slid the gun out of my hand and it hit the bank and I fell down on the floor, and I was crying and I was horrified at my shame and my guilt and the weakness I was and the lack of strength that I had and the weak man I that I was. It all hit me at once and that was the beginning.”

That night was a turning point for Smith in a lot of ways. As he relied on his faith more and more, he realized his passion was more for his faith than his music, choosing to retire from touring and performing, and focus on full-time ministry instead.

“This season of my life will be actually being with my family and going to our little local church and learning under our pastor,” Smith shares. “And going to seminary and getting out and speaking occasionally, and talking about this book, and telling people about my darkest night and how I was saved from that, so that’s where I am right now.”

Smith just released Like a River: Finding the Faith and Strength to Move Forward After Loss and Heartache, which details his journey towards healing after the loss of his son. His final tour stop will be on August 26. Find more information, and purchase Like a River, at GrangerSmith.com.

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Many people struggle to sleep, with stresses like the cost of living crisis, among others, causing the kind of anxiety that makes it difficult to relax.

In fact, according to Mattress Online, some one in three people in the UK reportedly suffer from insomnia – which means a staggering third of them are struggling to get a good night of shuteye.

Now the company’s sleep experts have collaborated with hypnotherapist Clare Longstaffe, to share tips on how to use self-hypnosis to become more calm during times of anxiety.

This is something Clare is an expert in, as she is a leading hypnotherapist at the charity Cavendish Cancer Care, where she has developed a number of different finger breathing techniques to help both patients and their loved ones cope with the impact of cancer. 

Together, they have compiled tips on the meditative practice known as ‘finger breathing’ – a quick and easy self-hypnosis method that can calm your nerves and help you reclaim sleep…

With around a third of people in the UK struggling with insomnia, experts have compiled a list of steps to help you with the self-hypnosis technique of ‘finger breathing’ (stock image)

What is finger breathing?

According to the experts: ‘Finger breathing is a form of self-hypnosis that can be used to bring you back into a calmer and more rational state of mind during times of anxiety or restlessness. 

‘It involves a combination of touch and controlled breathing, cycling through a series of finger holds and hand movements whilst focusing on inhaling and exhaling deeply.’

They add that studies have found that effectively controlling your breathing does more than just help you relax mentally.

It can, they claim, promote the release of melatonin, which is the ‘hormone produced by the pineal gland in your brain that is responsible for regulating your body’s circadian rhythm and managing your natural sleep cycle’.

How to do finger breathing

Working with the Cavendish, the sleep experts at Mattress Online have compiled a five-step guide on how you can incorporate finger breathing into you own routine.

Step 1: Start by laying or sitting down in a comfortable position. Relax your breathing by inhaling more deeply and slower than you would normally.

According to the experts, studies have found that effectively controlling your breathing can help you relax during times of stress

Step 2: Bring the fingers and thumb of one hand together in a relaxed pinched position. Using your other hand, cup and loosely rest your bunched fingertips in your palm. Count five relaxed breaths while keeping your hands in this position.

Step 3: Swap hands and count five breaths again.

Step 4: Next, make a thumbs up with one hand and then wrap the fingers of the other hand around the opposing thumb. Loosely hold your thumb while you count 5 relaxed breaths. Then swap hands and count five breaths again.

Step 5: Repeat this process on the rest of your fingers, i.e. wrap the fingers of one hand around your opposing index finger and hold for 5 relaxed breaths, before switching hands and repeating the process.

Stress can affect the way we breathe, according to the experts, who recommend planning to practice breathing regularly when they are not stressed too

Speaking about the technique, Chloe Angus, Corporate Wellbeing Manager at Cavendish, described how stress can affect how we breathe.

 She explained: ‘Our innate fight, flight stress response can cause us to automatically speed up or hold our breath in times of stress or general ‘busyness’ and most of the time we do not notice until we start to feel tension.’

She added that during times of stress, if we can become aware of our breath and focus on slowing down and relaxing into our breath, it can be helpful in moving to rest and digest.

Chloe continued: ‘Creating the habit of giving our breath some attention at different times of day can help to manage emotions and stresses, and give us moments to pause and re-centre ourselves in the present moment.

‘We would recommend planning to practice breathing regularly when you are not stressed, if something is familiar to us, we are more likely to remember to use it when we need it most.’

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