Kate Hoyle found a new way through hypnotherapy (Picture: Supplied)

Welcome back to How I Parent, where we get a glimpse into how the nation is raising their kids.

Kate Hoyle, a married mum from North London, retrained as a hypnotherapist after her two children, Eleanor 22 and Ethan 20, developed conditions that completely changed their pace of life.

‘Ethan was only 15 months old when he had a stroke and it completely rocked our world,’ she shares. ‘It’s extremely rare for this to happen in children and the causes are different from adults but still, to a large extent, they are unclear.

‘At first, he was unable to use his left side or even sit up unaided. Luckily, being so young, his brain was still developing and new neural pathways were formed.’

Ethan made a remarkable recovery, but when big sister Eleanor was around six, Kate noticed a shift in her behaviour.

‘Suddenly, she went from a contented child to experiencing strong emotions and was often angry and tearful,’ says Kate. ‘It took several years of having physical illnesses investigated before she was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression at just 12 years old.’

Ethan had a stroke at just 15 months old (Picture: Supplied)

‘What followed were years of psychotherapy, psychiatric visits, antidepressants and a downward spiral into poor mental health and an eating disorder. Her school attendance dropped to around 35%, with all the added pressure that brings.’

In the early days, Kate had a high-flying corporate career in the City which meant she would leave the house at 5.30 am and work after returning in the evening.

‘I felt completely lost and alone when dealing with both Eleanor’s mental health issues and the emotional issues Ethan had as a result of his stroke,’ she says.

‘The pressure was always there because I felt I should be in two places at once, so in the end I took a local job so that I could be on hand for Eleanor.

‘Being an hour’s journey away was just too scary. Even then, when I had gone through the daily battle of trying to get her into school, I felt like I’d done a day’s work before I even started.’

Kate spent years researching ways to help her daughter (Picture: Supplied)

Though Ethan’s health improved, Kate says the first five years of his life were still ‘particularly difficult’.

‘He had lots of physio and rehab because he had to learn to walk and talk again. Within that timeframe, there is always the chance of further strokes, especially with no definite cause,’ she says.

‘With Eleanor it was harder, because we really had no idea what the cause might be. As the years passed I also became really scared about what she might do.

‘We had a phrase we used which was “Are you safe to be by yourself?” and we both knew exactly what that meant.’

Considering her children’s needs, Kate realised she needed to shift her parenting style.

‘I started out doing everything I thought I ‘should’ be doing as a parent for Eleanor; attempting to get her into school, out in fresh air, meeting up with friends, and going to family events.

‘I was also accused of being over cautious with Ethan, but when you have a toddler with damaged arteries in their brain, falls and headaches take on a whole new dimension,’ she says.

Kate says that every child deserves a level playing field (Picture: Supplied)

She decided to change tactics and parent according to her daughter’s needs, not everyone else’s.

‘School and exams had to wait because a child cannot learn if they are in such an anxious state. We also had to be flexible and adapt to what she was capable of doing on any given day. This could be particularly frustrating for her younger brother.’

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Though Eleanor was with the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service (CAMHS) and tried a number of different therapies, the family felt at a dead end. Nothing seemed to help.

‘Poor Eleanor – as soon as I heard about something that had helped someone else I would drag her off to try it but nothing worked,’ Kate says.

But their luck changed when Kate stumbled across Marisa Peer, the pioneer of Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT), who posits that ‘no one should have to be stuck in therapy for years’.

‘Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) is all about discovering the root cause of an issue so that change can occur at a fundamental level,’ she says.

‘I found an RTT therapist who I thought would suit Eleanor and it had an incredible impact. The anxiety and depression became manageable and Eleanor started getting back to school and socialising.’

Kate feels that hypnotherapy has been key in her family (Photo: Becky Wright)

While doing RTT, Eleanor also had her final CAMHS appointment. The new psychiatrist asked lots of questions and said he thought she may have ADHD.

‘This is something that had never occurred to us, but suddenly everything began to make sense,’ Kate says.

‘The devastating news, though, was that because Eleanor was about to turn 18, there was nothing CAMHS could do for her in terms of an assessment and they discharged her.’

With ADHD waiting times at record high, Kate was grateful to have the financial means to go private, which resulted in an instant diagnosis of ADHD.

‘As we left that appointment, I asked Eleanor how she felt, being well aware that not everyone appreciates a ‘label’. She replied that she was relieved and said “Now I know what’s been wrong with me.”

‘My new role from there on became building her back up and realising that there was nothing ‘wrong’ with her. She had exceptional abilities but also many challenges which she would have to work out how best to manage.’

Kate was so impressed with RTT that she retrained as a hypnotherapist and now helps many parents and teenagers in similar situations.

Her daughter, Eleanor, has also created her own YouTube video explaining how ADHD impacts her life.

‘My advice to parents is to trust your instincts. You know your child better than anyone and if you think there’s something wrong, don’t ignore it,’ she says. ‘Take your concerns to your child’s school and GP as a first step and keep trying anything you think might help. You will need to be your child’s advocate, so keep fighting.’

She also recommends utilising online resources. ‘There are some wonderful charities you can seek advice from such as Young Minds and, if things get very serious, Papyrus. I’m also involved in the work of Streetwise, NexGen Wellbeing, Positiveo and The Stroke Association.

‘Every child deserves a level playing field and it is heartbreaking to see someone robbed of their childhood because of problems with their mental or emotional wellbeing.’

Kate feels that while there have been challenges, the family has come out stronger on the other side.

‘One of the most important traits children need today is resilience. I think that’s true of parents as well,’ she says.

‘Life will always be full of challenges and we need to be equipped to deal with them.

‘When you have battled through real adversity, it enables you to realise that daily life is mostly not worth getting stressed about.

‘We have been through so much as a family, I know we can face anything.’

MORE : ‘I potty trained my baby at 5 months old — it was pretty easy’

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What is mindfulness?

Mindfulness is the practice of being fully present and aware of your thoughts, feelings, and experiences in the present moment. It involves focusing your attention on the present rather than dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. Mindfulness can be practiced through meditation, breathing exercises, and other techniques that help you to cultivate a greater sense of awareness and inner peace.

How can mindfulness benefit your family?

1. Stress reduction

Stress is a common part of modern family life, and it can take a toll on your physical and mental health. Practicing mindfulness can help you to manage stress more effectively by allowing you to take a step back and observe your thoughts and emotions without judgment. This can help you to respond to stressful situations in a more calm and thoughtful way, rather than reacting impulsively and exacerbating the situation.

2. Better communication

Mindfulness can also help to improve communication within your family. By being more present and attentive to your loved ones, you can develop a greater understanding of their needs and concerns. This can help you to communicate more effectively, resolve conflicts more easily, and strengthen your relationships.

3. Increased empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. Practicing mindfulness can help you to develop greater empathy by allowing you to tune in to the emotions of those around you. This can help you to be more compassionate and supportive, especially with your children who may be struggling with their own emotions and challenges.

4. Improved self-awareness

Mindfulness can also help you to develop greater self-awareness, which is the ability to recognize and understand your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. This can help you to identify patterns and habits that may be contributing to stress or conflict in your family, and make positive changes to improve your relationships.

How can you practice mindfulness as a parent?

There are many ways to incorporate mindfulness into your daily routine as a parent. Here are a few ideas to get you started:

1. Practice deep breathing exercises when you feel stressed or overwhelmed.

2. Take a few minutes each day to meditate and focus on your breath.

3. Set aside dedicated family time each week to engage in activities that promote mindfulness, such as yoga, nature walks, or creative projects.

4. Practice active listening when communicating with your family members, and try to be fully present in the conversation.

5. Use mindfulness techniques to manage difficult emotions, such as anger or frustration, in a healthy way.

By incorporating mindfulness into your family life, you can create a more peaceful, positive, and supportive environment for you and your loved ones.

The post The Mindful Parent: How Practicing Mindfulness Can Benefit Your Family appeared first on Minds Valley.

Organizers estimate that about 100 parents attended the spring session of “Parent University” at Oak Park-River Forest High School, a community-welcome event that offered guidance on navigating mental health issues and topics post-COVID 19

Parent University, offered free of charge during the fall and spring, returned to its in-person format April 19 after being virtual since the start of the pandemic.

The three-hour informational that Wednesday night was the first in-person session since November 2019. The focus on mental health was apparent at this session.

“I wish every school district, every community could do this,” said River Forest Township Supervisor Carla Sloan, of River Forest. “So many parents are struggling, so many kids are struggling, and even if you’re not struggling, you still want to create a sense of well-being in your home and I think people are searching for ways to do that.”

She added: “If we can help with that a little bit, as a school district, and as a community, as a township, as a mental health board, I think it’s our role to do so. We just think that it’s essential.”

Though Parent University was a collaboration of River Forest Township, Oak Park Township, Oak Park and River Forest School District 200, Oak Park Elementary School District 97 and River Forest School District 90, the event was open to the community — even other nearby municipalities.

Also featured were the Community Mental Health Board of Oak Park Township, Positive Youth Development (a township agency), Oak Park Public Library, Thrive Counseling Center of Oak Park and the Metro Suburban chapter of the National Alliance on Mental Illness.

Doug Bolton, a licensed clinical psychologist, was the keynote speaker, talking on “Self-Regulation and Resilience: Supporting Our Children in Their Hardest Moments” at the “Parent University” event held at Oak Park-River Forest High School April 19, 2023 in Oak Park. (Karie Angell Luc / Pioneer Press)

Mental health post-pandemic was the focus of the “Parent University” event held at Oak Park-River Forest High School April 19, 2023 in Oak Park. (Karie Angell Luc / Pioneer Press)

Mental health post-pandemic was the focus of the “Parent University” event held at Oak Park-River Forest High School April 19, 2023 in Oak Park. (Karie Angell Luc / Pioneer Press)

Families from the towns of Oak Park and River Forest, as well as others nearby, attended the “Parent University” event held at Oak Park-River Forest High School April 19, 2023 in Oak Park. In addition to information tables and a keynote speaker, refreshments were served. (Karie Angell Luc / Pioneer Press)

“We have a great partnership with OPRF. We love supporting OPRF students and their families and staff,” said Andrea O’Morrow, education manager for NAMI in Oak Park.

NAMI offers, “a number of free services,” which are accessible because the pandemic “brought a lot of things to the surface,” O’Morrow said. “We’re seeing concerns that were already there … [the pandemic] brought a lot of things to visibility.

“We are seeing that teens are reaching out a lot more than they have in the past,” O’Morrow said. “I think that’s the result of education, I think that’s the result of people breaking stigma. Teens feel more empowered.”

At the Oak Park Public Library, “We get upwards of 100 students on a daily basis at the library,” said , who is known as “Mr. G” to many teen library patrons.

Alexander Gutierrez, teen services librarian at Oak Park Public Library, said after the pandemic, a lot of the students are feeling very isolated and secluded.

“Us, at the library, being that safe, social environment for them is really, really beneficial,” Gutierrez said.

Amanda Lopez, community education and engagement coordinator of Thrive Counseling Center, engaged with attendees to let “parents know what resources are available,” Lopez said.

The Parent University program began with keynote speaker and licensed clinical psychologist Doug Bolton, of Evanston, who spoke on, “Self-Regulation and Resilience: Supporting Our Children in Their Hardest Moments.”

Bolton explained he served more than 20 years in roles of psychologist and principal at North Shore Academy, a K-12 therapeutic school in Highland Park.

“Any time you can connect what’s happening in schools with parents, and create and share similar learning, and be partnering together, I think good things are happening,” he told Pioneer Press. “Just the fact that I could be a part of this was wonderful.”

Parent Kelly O’Keefe, of River Forest, was in the audience for Bolton’s keynote and reported being “so excited” to come and hear him speak at the event.

“Even though my kids aren’t in high school yet, everything that he’s talking about, as far as helping our kids be regulated, is important for all kids,” O’Keefe said.

Other sessions at the event included, “I Will Survive: How to Help Your Teen Through a Breakup and “Keep Calm and Carry On: Managing Expectations and Your Own Stress to Help De-escalate Your Child.”

“I think most of us tend to focus on academics, right, and not the mental health or social aspects [of] “our children, so I thought this was actually a pretty good way to kind of start that,” said Wavyne Belance, a parent.

Parents expressed gratitude for the information they received.

“I’m very thankful for people who come in and kind of share their time, and giving their expertise and trying to help parents cope. I’m very grateful,” said parent Monet Pasquier.

Karie Angell Luc is a freelancer.

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