(PeopleImages.com – Yuri A / Shutterstock.com)

While time with loved ones can be heartwarming, family dynamics can also be complex and challenging. We offer insights around some of these relationship challenges and skills for building stronger relationships in our Science of Happiness course, a free, eight-week online course that explores the roots of a happy, meaningful life. When we asked students in the conclusion of the course how the journey had impacted them, they shared everything from small habit changes to big life transitions. But one of the themes that kept coming up was how the course enhanced their sense of connection with family.

Family is key to well-being
In an opening discussion in the course, we asked students all around the world what makes them happy. The overwhelming response revealed how important family is for happiness.

Annette, a new student in the course, summarized it this way:

“The things that make me happy are spending time with my family and my dog, seeing my children grow and prosper in adulthood, being able to be independent despite physical limitations.”

Many students identified family relationships as their main focus for improvement through the course. They described many difficulties in these intimate relationships, as well: Juggling work and home life can be challenging, and when we are stressed, we often project our negative emotions on to our loved ones.

For example, Yainak, a student who recently completed the course, reflected:

“When I was terribly busy raising my children and I didn’t have the time to be considerate of others, it was difficult for me to be grateful to others, and I would only complain, wondering why I was the only one having a hard time. I couldn’t even be generous to my husband, who was the closest to me. At that time, when I got together with other housewives, the main topic of conversation was complaining about our husbands.” Research suggests that family relationships can help us cope with stress, form healthier habits, and enhance self-esteem, leading to higher well-being. So how do we strengthen our family relationships?

Skills for happier family relationships
Each of the course’s eight weeks focuses on a specific theme, and many of these are very relevant to our family relationships.

Forgiveness
Conflict is inevitable, especially in close relationships, and our forgiveness lessons in the course center on forming genuine apologies, as well as activating compassion as we consider forgiving others.

For example, students learn the process of forgiveness based on research by Fred Luskin. Once you acknowledge your feelings and make a commitment to forgive, the steps also include soothing yourself when you feel upset and focusing on your positive goals for the future rather than past hurts. 

Student Anna recalls many “family members’ relationships crushed due to unwillingness to forgive,” and emphasizes that “with family members who you care about, it’s OK to be the first one to apologize to the other for the situation you are in without blaming one or the other.” Many students agreed with this observation, acknowledging how the simple action of apologizing first can initially be uncomfortable and difficult—but ultimately worthwhile.

Gratitude
One practice, the Gratitude Letter, was particularly popular in the course. Students wrote letters expressing thanks to people they hadn’t properly thanked, and delivered them in person if possible, creating the space for heartfelt conversation.

Jackie, a new student in the course, shared:

“I wrote the letter to my mom and called her. It was moving and powerful for her, even though I thank her all the time, this delivery was more meaningful as I wrote to her to thank her for the person that she is, for her happy spirit and resilience. She cried, I cried, and this exercise made us both very happy and brought us closer together.”

Student Katie created a habit of doing the Three Good Things practice, taking time to reflect on positive moments from the day as a way to bring attention to the blessings in her life. Her partner joined in for this evening ritual, which has strengthened their bond through a short but impactful moment of appreciation.

“I’ve noticed feeling more rested when we do this,” she said. “We laugh more before we sleep and are spending less time looking at screens.”

Yainak also developed a gratitude practice with her husband. “We are now able to express our gratitude to each other, and I am amazed at how happy we feel when we do so,” she said.

Mindfulness and compassion
Throughout the course, students try a variety of mindfulness and compassion practices that can benefit their relationships with their families.

In the Active Listening practice, students practice giving and observing body-language signals during conversations that help deepen connection and enrich communication—like eye contact, smiles, and nods to show you are paying attention.

The mindfulness practices consist of three varieties: Mindful Breathing, Body Scan Meditation, and Loving-Kindness Meditation. Students are encouraged to integrate these practices into their daily habits, and many students reflected on the calm and clarity they get from practicing mindfulness.

Yainak found herself struggling to take care of everyone as a mother, daughter, and wife; all of the time and energy it took had become a chore, so she didn’t feel truly caring. Ultimately, she found that practicing mindfulness was a way of taking care of herself, so she could better take care of others. She came to this realization during a Mindful Breathing practice, by “relaxing her mind and taking slow breaths.” After the course, she set a goal of creating “a life that helps those around me by gently approaching my own mind and body, then working on myself and imagining a happy future.”

Do you want to explore the roots of your own happiness and deepen your relationships? Sign up for the course and join our community of like-minded students striving for happier and more connected lives.

YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE:
Enhance Your Conversations with Family by Asking the Right Questions
7 Benefits of Spending Time With Family
7 Traditions To Bring Your Family Closer

This article originally appeared on Greater Good, the online magazine of the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley. Click here to read the original article.

Source link

The post The Skills You Need for Happier Relationships With Family appeared first on Minds Valley.

Recognizing higher rates of Black infant mortality in California, the Perinatal Equity Initiative, or PEI, was launched in 2018 to address causes of this disparity and look at best practices. Under the PEI, San Bernardino Fatherhood, a nonprofit based in Highland, was contracted by the San Bernardino County Department of Public Health to provide fatherhood services. Working with the fathers and partners of pregnant and parenting African American women with a child under a year old, the organization aims to assist in the elimination of Black infant mortality.

Recognized by the state as an impactful intervention, the organization’s 24/7 Dad program, educates men on the tools, behaviors and attitudes needed for fathers to help their children thrive. The program provides 12 group sessions that each last two hours. Participants explore their family history and experiences with fatherhood and then learn the characteristics of a 24/7 Dad. Characteristics include self-awareness, self-care, fathering, parenting and relationship skills. Participants are also given guidance on maintaining a positive co-parenting relationship with their child’s mother. The next 24/7 Dad program will be offered at the end of July at a location that has not yet been announced.

“We help them to understand that when they are a good man, that rolls over into being a father,” said Ryan Berryman, the organization’s executive director. “When they support the mom, they are supporting their child who is their future and their legacy.”

New and expecting dads watch a short video. (Courtesy of San Bernardino Fatherhood)

San Bernardino Fatherhood offers multiple programs including an “Understanding Dad” program over eight sessions, which raises mothers’ awareness of the importance of a father’s involvement in a child’s life.

The organization’s Boot Camp for New Dads is a one-day, three-hour workshop for new and expecting dads. The Boot Camp involves veteran fathers who share their experience and encourage rookie dads. New fathers are encouraged to ask any and all question that they have concerns about in a supportive environment. New dads may learn about supporting new moms, breast feeding, changing diapers, safety and many other topics. The program is made possible in part by a grant from the IE Black Equity Fund through the Inland Empire Community Foundation.

The organization also works to connect fathers to the community and to pay forward the support they are given. Fathers are encouraged to volunteer at schools their children attend and to volunteer in their communities, becoming positive role models.

Fathers are also encouraged to participate with their families at events hosted by San Bernardino Fatherhood throughout the year. Events include the annual Daddy Daughter Dance, which this year was attended by more than 300 people. Additional activities have included Inland Empire 66ers baseball games, jazz concerts and a San Bernardino Raceway family event.

“This creates stronger families and healthy communities,” Berryman said. “There is a lot of research showing that when fathers are involved, kids do better in school, have fewer behavioral problems and infant mortalities decrease. There are so many positives in the community when fathers do well.”

There are very few programs available for fathers who need support to overcome a family history of absent fathers and poor parenting, according to Berryman. He believes that the program gives hope to men who want secure and strong families. He also feels that strong positive fatherhood leads to stronger communities with less crime and violence.

“We want people to recognize the importance of fathers and not give up on them,” Berryman said. “We have a lot of good men out there and fathers who love their children.”

Information: https://sbfatherhood.com/ or 909-567-9508

Inland Empire Community Foundation works to strengthen Inland Southern California through philanthropy.

Source link

The post San Bernardino Fatherhood aims to address Black infant mortality, helps dads build their skills – San Bernardino Sun appeared first on Minds Valley.

On the second day of a conference, I awoke to a 7 a.m. phone call from my dad. “Azmi, your grandfather had a brain hemorrhage and was admitted to the hospital.” I told my dad I’d fly out to meet him that day, but he encouraged me to stay to present my research. By the time I arrived the following night—poster and conference clothes in hand—my grandfather had passed away. The rush of grief was overwhelming. Over the next few days, I focused on my family and helped plan the funeral. Then, when the time came to get back to work, I developed a self-care plan and communicated my needs to others. I knew what to do thanks to a mental health first aid course I had taken, which taught me how to care for myself as well as others.

After finishing my Ph.D. in the fateful spring of 2020, I had been unemployed for 4 months, so I was excited to start my postdoc, moving 3000 kilometers across the country in the middle of the pandemic. Yet something felt off. Workplace hours were staggered and much of the inperson training for my projects was virtual. I was lucky to have a supportive supervisor, but I did not know anyone outside my direct colleagues in the lab. I coped with my feelings of anxiety and isolation by burying myself in work, putting in long hours at the bench.

After getting involved with my postdoctoral association’s advocacy committee, I quickly saw that many incoming postdocs were facing similar troubles. Wanting to do what I could to help, I took on the role of disseminating information about work-life balance and mental health, announcing seminars, meditation sessions, and mental well-being programs.

One day, the organizers of a mental health first aid course asked me to send out an announcement. I was intrigued. I had never dealt with a mental health emergency. But it struck me that if I wanted to be the best advocate for my community, I should lead by example and take the course myself.

A key lesson was that no one should struggle alone.

• Azmi Ahmad
• Yale University

When training day came, I expected to mostly learn about how to handle emergencies. But the 6-hour session was much more broad ranging, covering how to deal with chronic situations and what to do to take care of yourself. A key lesson was that no one should struggle alone, and that it’s important to develop a self-care plan by thinking about the people, programs, and activities in your support network that can help you deal with mental health challenges.

After taking the course, I felt more confident in my ability to defuse difficult situations and direct people toward professional help should I ever come across an emergency. The training helped me become a better listener. For instance, I’ve learned to be mindful of my body language—to make eye contact, maintain a soft tone, and focus on being present and actively listening. When a friend reached out to say they felt dismissed at work and wanted to quit, I listened and gave reassurance as best I could. I’ve also found I can listen more attentively to my own thoughts and feelings and identify steps to help me feel better.

When my grandfather died, I didn’t bury myself in work as I had done in the past. Instead, I put my well-being first and reached out to others who could help me. I told my adviser that I’d need to take a break and miss a lab meeting, and he understood. I created a physical health plan—adding more exercise to my daily routine—and took time each morning to practice guided meditation. I also opened up about my feelings with close friends, who were supportive and would then regularly check in on how I was doing. These steps didn’t magically erase my grief. But they helped me work through it and connect with those around me.

You don’t need a formal course. But develop your own mental health first aid kid with self-care strategies, and don’t be afraid to connect with others. Academia—and life in general—can be challenging. We’re better off when we can rely on others and support ourselves.

Source link

The post How mental health first aid skills are helping me through my postdoc | Science appeared first on Minds Valley.

The role of self-help groups in building resilience and coping skills cannot be overstated. These groups provide a safe space where individuals can share their experiences, offer and receive support, and learn from each other’s experiences. This sense of community and belonging helps individuals to feel less isolated and alone, and more empowered to cope with their challenges.

One of the key ways in which self-help groups build resilience and coping skills is through the sharing of knowledge and information. Members of these groups often have a wealth of experience and insight into their particular challenge, and can offer advice and guidance to others who are struggling. This can help individuals to feel more informed and prepared, and to develop a greater sense of control over their situation.

Self-help groups also provide a space for individuals to develop new skills and coping strategies. Members can share techniques that have worked for them, and offer support and encouragement as others try out new approaches. This can be particularly helpful for individuals who are facing challenges that they have not encountered before, or who may feel stuck in their current situation.

Perhaps most importantly, self-help groups provide a space for individuals to connect with others who are going through similar experiences. This can be a tremendous source of comfort and validation, as individuals realize that they are not alone in their struggles. The support and empathy of others can help individuals to feel more resilient and better able to cope with their challenges.

In summary, self-help groups play a critical role in building resilience and coping skills among individuals facing various challenges. By providing a safe space for support, knowledge sharing, and skill development, these groups help individuals to feel more informed, prepared, and empowered to face their challenges. Moreover, the sense of community and belonging that these groups provide can be a powerful source of comfort and validation, helping individuals to feel less isolated and alone.

The post The Role of Self Help Groups in Building Resilience and Coping Skills appeared first on Minds Valley.

What is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness is the practice of being present and aware of your thoughts, feelings, and surroundings in the present moment. It involves paying attention to your thoughts and emotions without judgment, and focusing on the sensations of your body and your surroundings. Mindfulness can be practiced through a variety of techniques, such as meditation, breathing exercises, and mindful movement.

How Mindfulness Can Improve Relationships

One of the key benefits of mindfulness is its ability to improve relationships. When we are mindful, we are better able to connect with others and communicate effectively. Here are some ways in which mindfulness can improve relationships:

1. Improved Empathy: Mindfulness helps us become more aware of our own emotions, which in turn makes us more empathetic towards others. When we are mindful, we are better able to understand and relate to the emotions and experiences of others, which can lead to stronger and more meaningful relationships.

2. Better Communication: Mindfulness also improves our communication skills by helping us become more aware of our own thoughts, feelings, and reactions. This makes it easier for us to express ourselves clearly and effectively, and to listen to others without judgment or distraction.

3. Greater Patience and Understanding: Mindfulness helps us develop greater patience and understanding towards ourselves and others. When we are mindful, we are better able to recognize our own biases and assumptions, and to approach situations with an open mind. This can lead to more harmonious and fulfilling relationships.

How Mindfulness Can Improve Communication Skills

In addition to improving relationships, mindfulness can also have a significant impact on communication skills. Here are some ways in which mindfulness can improve communication:

1. Increased Focus: Mindfulness improves our ability to focus and pay attention, which is essential for effective communication. When we are mindful, we are better able to stay present in the moment and engage fully with the person we are communicating with.

2. Reduced Stress: Mindfulness helps us manage stress and anxiety, which can often interfere with effective communication. When we are less stressed, we are more able to communicate clearly and calmly.

3. Improved Listening: Mindfulness also improves our listening skills by helping us become more aware of our own thoughts and reactions. This makes it easier for us to listen attentively to others without getting distracted or lost in our own thoughts.

In conclusion, mindfulness is a powerful tool that can help improve relationships and communication skills. By practicing mindfulness, we can develop greater empathy, communication, patience, and understanding, which can lead to more fulfilling relationships and more effective communication. So, if you are looking to improve your relationships and communication skills, consider incorporating mindfulness into your daily routine.

The post How Mindfulness Can Improve Your Relationships and Communication Skills appeared first on Minds Valley.

Today’s phrase du jour is a friendly suggestion, a snarky insult and a 9,000-square-foot store in Uniontown, Pennsylvania.

It is…

“GET A HOBBY!”

I bring it up because, last month, the Harvard Graduate School of Education produced an online seminar that explained how hobbies such as music, dance, art and writing can “sustain kids’ mental health and well-being.”

I also bring it up because, nowadays, a common complaint among my friends with kids (and grandkids) is that these youngsters have no hobbies. Or, more specifically, these youngsters have no hobbies that don’t involve phones and tablets.

And hiding in the basement.

And staring into space.

Sure, looking at 30-second videos on TikTok can be fun. But is it a hobby?

For those who’ve forgotten, a hobby is a pleasurable activity done regularly in one’s leisure time.

Keyword: ACTIVITY.

Ervolino: From skirts to shirts to going topless, men’s fashion is confusing

When I was a kid, “get a hobby” was a friendly suggestion. Today, most people use it as a put-down — another way of saying, “mind your own business” or “you have way too much time on your hands.”

My childhood hobbies were varied. Outside, I enjoyed handball, stickball, rollerskating and, especially, basketball. I liked camping out with friends in my backyard. And I really enjoyed target shooting. (We inherited about seven guns from my father’s stepfather.) And catching things: Butterflies, fireflies…

Bergen County Audubon Society President Don Torino leads a group of birders on a hike in December.

When I was 9 years old, living in Queens, friends and I asked my mother for some American cheese.

“You kids just had lunch,” she said.

“Oh, it’s not for us,” I replied. “We’re around the corner, trying to catch a rat.”

(We never caught him. And, for the record, we never used our guns to kill animals. Or take hostages.)

When I wasn’t out doing all those other things, I rode my bike. For HOURS.

In other words, I spent a lot of time outside. Today, I hardly ever see a child out of doors. And when I do…

“What’s that, over there? In the grass?”

Story continues

“I think it’s a child!”

“A child? Really? What’s it doing outside?”

“No idea. Maybe its house is being fumigated.”

Inside, I collected stamps, records, comic books, Batman cards, baseball cards and postcards. I wrote to chambers of commerce around the country requesting travel brochures. (I never went to any of these places until I was a lot older, but I enjoyed looking at the pictures. And free stuff is always nice.)

More Ervolino: At death, there can be laughter. Aunt Irene would have understood

One Christmas, I got a chemistry set and proceeded to send away for more and more lab equipment — flasks, beakers, Bunsen burners, chemicals. (Our basement looked like the set of “Young Frankenstein.”)

And, when I was 10, I got my first typewriter because, believe it or not, I wanted to be a newspaper reporter.

I’ve always enjoyed writing. And reading.

Today, in good old 2023, I’m baffled by the banning of books that I was required to read when I was enrolled at Holy Cross High School.

Does book-banning concern me? Sure. I’d be a lot more concerned about it, though, if I ever saw anyone under 20 actually reading a book. Or — God forbid! — a newspaper.

(Seeing someone under 20 reading a newspaper while standing outside would probably kill me.)

If the kids in your life do have hobbies, good for them. If they don’t, there are a whole bunch to choose from, ranging from the traditional to the totally weird, that could — as the Harvard seminar concluded — sustain their mental health and well-being.

The hiking group of the Activities Club – Mike Capizzi, Peter Berke,Henry Baker, John Moran, Lee Cunningham, John McCabe, Don Skog, Chris Megalos, John Hahn, Peter Sauer and John Robertson – conducted its March hike in the hills of Wawayanda State Park in Hewitt

The traditional ones (music, dance, athletics, hiking) are time-honored classics. Others include gardening, astronomy, photography, model building and yoga.

Go to a hobby store — such as Get a Hobby in Pennsylvania — and you will see an exciting new generation of remote control-operated planes, trains, cars and trucks.

A “toy” jet that retails for $649.99 has to be seen to be believed.

Among the “new millennium” hobbies is something I first did about 10 years ago. Geocaching involves using a smartphone or GPS to find items hidden all around the world.

Part of this hobby’s appeal to young people is that it incorporates the technology they use every day. They can discover more about it at geocaching.com.

Want to collect something different? How about elements from the periodic table? (Well, except the radioactive ones.) A helpful guide can be found at luciteria.com/blog/2020/7/21/interested-in-element-collecting.

Go to toyvoyagers.com to find out how you and your family members can send your favorite teddy bear (or other toy) around the world, where it will be photographed on a mountain peak or in front of the Eiffel Tower, along with notes from toy hosts about the places where the photos were taken.

The wackiest hobby of the moment? That just may be extreme ironing, in which people iron clothes while rock climbing, swimming, snowboarding and water skiing. Google “extreme ironing” for additional details.

And, if all else fails…

Have you ever caught a rat?

This article originally appeared on NorthJersey.com: Getting a hobby can help with mental health and give you new skills

Source link

The post Getting a hobby can help improve your mental health and give you new skills appeared first on Minds Valley.