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L’Oreal Thompson Payton

L’Oreal Thompson Payton is a bonafide overachiever with the receipts to prove it. She’s an award-winning journalist with her work featured in esteemed media outlets such as Bustle, ESSENCE, SELF, Shondaland, People, Publishers Weekly, and Well + Good, an experienced communications executive, a motivational speaker, and a wellness facilitator, not to mention a mother and wife. She also serves as a health and wellness reporter at Fortune, covering women and wellness in the workplace. Her writing is inspired by her personal experiences of trying to navigate the world as an ambitious Black millennial woman who was raised outside of Baltimore by working-class parents to believe that she could outwork all obstacles, but who has come to learn over time that success is not always guaranteed even if you follow all of the “rules.” 

With her new book, Stop Waiting For Perfect, she’s inspiring other women to break away from specific “rules” or programming, including the need to achieve at any cost, and sacrificing their well-being and mental health, which are concepts that society or family might’ve placed on them to thrive. Meant to be a self-help book, Payton wants to help her readers step out of their comfort zones and into their power, starting with sharing her own experiences with self-doubt, imposter syndrome, perfectionism, self-doubt, imposter syndrome, infertility, and postpartum depression. From inspiring career journey anecdotes to stories about pivoting professions to sharing how it was vital for her to accept that her life may not turn out as she envisioned, the book represents an honest and relatable blueprint for anyone tired of striving to achieve perfection and would like the agency to be human. 

Perfectionism and “Black Excellence” have been ingrained in Black women since we were little by many of our parents. We’ve all heard the saying, “You have to be twice as good to get half of what they have.” The quote, in many cases, speaks to systemic racism and how Black women have to overachieve, perform, and shine to find their place in the world successfully. Our lifelong pursuit of perfection most likely starts at home, at least it did for Payton. She notes in the book: “My lifelong pursuit of perfection, perhaps like many of you reading this, dates back to grade school. At a young age, I realized that getting good grades and receiving awards garnered positive attention from adults. I grew addicted to this attention, seeking to obtain it by any means necessary. Anything less than an A wasn’t good enough.” 

But what happens when perfectionism isn’t serving you anymore or it’s not enough? What should you do next? The next step is being comfortable, secure, and confident with yourself outside of your professional achievements. With Stop Waiting For Perfect, Payton provides an accessible toolkit to make positive changes while giving recovering perfectionists actionable advice and tips to apply to quiet their inner critic, as it’s necessary to learn how to move forward, even when frightened. 

Perfectionism, procrastination, and fear, prevented her from finishing things, like writing her first book. She writes in the “Peloton, Perfectionism, and Me” chapter of her book: “And not only am I guilty of trying to be perfect myself; I also have a tendency to wait for (or if we’re keeping it 100, procrastinate) the perfect moment in life. The perfect moment to trust my gut, to quit a job and take a chance on myself as a full-time freelance writer. The perfect moment to write this very book.” 

She continued, “There truly is no time like the present to learn, to fail, to wonder, to try. This, my friend, is where the magic happens – in the imperfection, in the failing and doing. And believe me, any time you put yourself out there, you can expect to make mistakes. But that doesn’t mean you’re a failure, it simply means you’re human.” 

Throughout the book, readers will learn, laugh, and probably cry. They’ll write goodbye letters to their inner critic and develop positive affirmations to remind them of the badass they already are. Most importantly, they’ll understand how to trust their vision to take control of their future. 

Stop Waiting For Perfect has a nice blend of Black women’s perfectionism stories, humor, and yes, even Beyoncé references – what else did you expect from a millennial? I spoke with Payton about why she decided to write this book and how Black women can continue to thrive in their success joyfully. 

ESSENCE: Why did you decide to write this book?

L’Oreal Thompson Payton: I love that question for so many reasons. I remember reading this Toni Morrison quote, where she said, ‘If there’s a book you want to read that hasn’t been written yet, you have to write it.’ I took that to heart. I love self-help books. I’m an avid reader. However, what I saw missing from that space, was that peer-to-peer kind of conversation. What I wanted to do was share the trials and tribulations that were happening. I know I don’t have life or all the answers, but I have some tips, tricks, and strategies that have helped me succeed and overcome impostor syndrome and self-doubt. We’re working on perfectionism. That’s a harder pill for me to swallow. This book includes the lessons I’ve learned along the way, and I’m sharing them in hopes that it’ll help someone else overcome those obstacles as well.

What I did appreciate about the book was it felt like I was talking with my girlfriends. I believe you intended to create this safe space for Black women who might be struggling but are uncomfortable sharing outwardly.

Absolutely, yes. This book is a pocket-size pep talk for high-achieving and aspiring individuals. It’s a love letter for Black women and a hug in a book. I wanted to have an honest conversation and let go of that perfectionism we’ve all been raised and conditioned to aspire to and live out. I wanted to be authentic and vulnerable, which Black women don’t always get to do. 

As a millennial, I’m caught in the two generations. My mom is a boomer, and I am so grateful for what she sacrificed for me, my sister, and our family. Being that role model, taking on leadership positions, and providing for us came with a hefty toll when it comes to mental health stress and the exhaustion that Black women have faced and endured for generations. My daughter will be two in October, but I think of the legacy I want to leave for her. I want her to be a soft black girl. And so, for her to do that, I have to show her the way and create that blueprint that I didn’t have for myself.

A lot of perfectionism is rooted in fear. What you lay out in specific chapters is excellent because you’re giving people prompts to first name their fear, work through it, and then solve it. How is fear intrinsically linked with perfectionism?

That fear is very much tied to that inner critic, right? And it could be your voice. It could be your mom, a spouse, or a friend. They usually mean well; they want to keep you safe and in that comfort zone, but that’s not where the magic happens. You can also do a disservice by keeping yourself in that comfort zone. There will never be that moment when you’re suddenly cured of all fear and emerge fearless and ready to take on the world. 

This book is undoubtedly necessary because it allows Black women to know failure’s okay. Was that one of the goals that you wanted to achieve with this book?

Yes, absolutely. I wanted to give them that permission slip. In the book, I mention how important it is to fail, experiment, try something new, and step outside that box.  We’ve been told, especially “good little black girls” growing up, that if you follow all the rules, do everything right, and check all the boxes, you’ll be guaranteed success, which isn’t always true. The goalpost always moves. 

What was your favorite piece of advice that you’ve included throughout the book?

I asked for help because I was talking to a friend earlier about how it’s tough for perfectionists to admit that we’re not perfect and need our village’s help. We need people that we can rely on. 

How can someone struggling with impostor syndrome and perfectionism silence their inner critic to develop confidence?

That’s such a great question. I encourage people to think about what they want out of life. What legacy do you want to leave behind? All of our success depends on each other. We must lift as we climb. And at the end of the day, remind yourself how talented you are and deserve to be there. And even if you don’t believe it in that moment, like faking it until it’s true. You’re worthy. You’re enough; you must walk into any room like you own it.

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A fourth-grader works with a therapist at Best Point Education and Behavioral Health in Madisonville on June 13. The nonprofit has a long waiting list of kids in the region who need mental health care.

More than 2,000 children are on a waiting list for mental health help at one center alone in the Cincinnati area.

The median time they’ll wait to be seen by a professional: 98 days.

“That is more than 2,000 parents who lie half awake at night … listening and worrying for their children,” said Kate Schroder, president and CEO for Interact for Health, a health equity funder and nonprofit serving 20 counties in Greater Cincinnati.

A mental health crisis among kids is pushing the limits of care throughout the region and across the United States.

In Madisonville, nonprofit Best Point Education and Behavioral Health is a large care provider and serves at-risk children. About 10,000 kids with mental health needs alone get help there annually, said John Banchy, president and CEO. And with the severity of the mental health crisis among kids, the number could grow.

“There is nothing short of calling this a crisis,” Banchy said. As of June 7, Best Point had 2,079 kids on its waiting list.

Children ages 8 to 10 have a motor break between group sessions with Susan King, therapist at Best Point Education and Behavioral Health on June 13. The nonprofit has a 2,000-plus waiting list of kids just for its mental health services, its CEO says.

It isn’t clear how many other kids are waiting for specialized help in the region, but there is no question among health experts that mental health care for kids is nowhere near enough.

In January, Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center posted on its site that its emergency department was seeing periodic high volumes of mental health-related emergency visits.

The need is still high in Cincinnati and the region, said Dr. Suzanne Sampang, clinical medical director of Cincinnati Children’s Child and Adolescent Psychiatry.

“We continue to try to meet this growing need,” she said, “but demand exceeds the resources available in the community.”

How did we end up with too little care?

The crisis started before kids in the United States – including the Cincinnati region – tumbled into a torrent of mental health struggles – including anxiety disorders, depression, eating and other self-harm disorders and suicidal ideation – during the COVID-19 pandemic. It ballooned from there.

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“We are faced with headwinds from multiple directions,” Banchy said.

Among them:

• A long-term shortage of people seeking education to become therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists and mental health care specialists of another kind.

• Specialists leaving the field because Medicaid reimbursement rates are so low, “and that dictates what we can pay folks,” Banchy said.

• The severity of mental health conditions in kids worsening, a crisis that continues to need to be addressed with professional help.

Children’s psychiatrist pool too low for child, teen needs, data show

Psychiatrists aren’t the only specialists who can help kids with mental health problems, but their numbers in Ohio, Kentucky and Indiana counties illustrate the shortage in professional care available.

The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry estimates that the country needs 47 child and adolescent psychiatrists per 100,000 kids.

But Ohio has about 13 per 100,000. Kentucky has 14 and Indiana has 7, American Academy Child and Adolescent Psychiatry workforce data show. In regional counties, the closest to that 47-psychiatrist mark is Hamilton County, with 26.

Data for the Cincinnati region’s counties show a lack of doctors, as well.

Pediatricians will have to step up training to fill gap

The shortage of specialized care providers signals a need for family care pediatricians to step in. Problem is, there’s insufficient training of primary care pediatricians in how to recognize and address mental health care in children, experts say.

That’s going to have to change: The Accreditation for Graduate Medical Education will require that all pediatric residents get four weeks of mental health training by 2025.

Cincinnati Children’s specialists are already working locally and nationally to make that happen, said Dr. Sue Poynter, director of the hospital’s Pediatric Residency Training Program.

Poynter said the change is essential to the health and well-being of children and teens.

“In order to address the gap in mental health providers and the escalating numbers of mental health diagnoses in pediatric patients, we must graduate pediatricians who are comfortable with the screening, diagnosis, and treatment of common mental and behavioral health issues,” Poynter said.

The Cincinnati Children’s program leaders have designed a plan for a standardized online curriculum addressing mental health topics in pediatric programs across the country, Poynter said.

The American Association of Pediatrics and other industry experts have encouraged general pediatricians to provide more mental health prevention strategies for families, to routinely screen children and adolescents for mental health conditions, to make personal referrals to specialists – and if kids are waiting or are in between appointments, to help kids manage their conditions as part of routine pediatric care.

Virtual training gives pediatric residents mental, behavioral health skills

Cincinnati Children’s Hospital Medical Center has started training pediatric residents in mental health visits with kids and parents through a virtual learning program.

One part of Cincinnati Children’s plan that is underway now involves immersing pediatric residents into settings in which a virtual parent and child act out life-like scenarios that could happen in an office visit.

Dr. Joe Real, a Cincinnati Children’s pediatrician, and Rachel Herbst, a pediatric psychologist, co-developed the curriculum, called Promoting Resilience and Emotional Health through Virtual Education in Training – or Prevent.

The virtual parent in the video asks questions about new and concerning behaviors of her 3-year-old child, who’s “there,” in the video, sitting in the room.

The resident must answer each question using evidence-based responses and remain engaging with the mom and aware of the child, Herbst said. Also during the virtual session, video toddler throws a tantrum. The resident must coach the parent in how to handle the child’s outburst and other behavioral problems.

Herbst said the virtual nature of the training gives the residents a way to practice again and again, until they know how to respond, and are comfortable doing so, in multiple scenarios.

Primary care pediatricians stretch their resources to help now

Some pediatricians’ groups in the Cincinnati area have a mental health professional on the staff to try to address kids’ needs. A lot of family practice doctors screen kids 12 and older for mental health conditions and will make referrals to experts.

One example: St. Elizabeth Physicians pediatricians screen every adolescent for depression, every school sports player and, at medication checks, every patient with ADHD. And they’ll screen for anxiety and other mental health conditions as needed, said Dr. John La Count, pediatrician.

La Count’s office has a social worker who is “integral in providing assistance and counseling to the families.”

”But the wave of kids suffering since the COVID-19 pandemic has been hard to manage with the shortage in support services,” La Count said.

He said pediatricians already have a heavy learning load and adding to it is not a simple process, and there’s still a lack of resources for further care.

One of the signs of support for kids in care at Best Point Education and Behavioral Health in Madisonville.

What else is being done to help?

Cincinnati-area health funders and advocacy groups are working on the kids’ mental health crisis, funding new strategies and services.

Among plans that are underway:

• Interact for Health is providing more than $2 million in grant funding for youth mental health efforts regionally, including prevention and treatment services in schools, community organizations and clinical providers.

• bi3, Bethesda’s health-focused funder, has invested $3 million to integrate mental health services in TriHealth’s pediatric practices. The goal is to help kids early on, so hospitalization and other longer term care is not needed.

• bi3 also is joining community funders, nonprofits and other organizations to support a youth mental health strategy in the region.

• In 2022, Miami University received $5 million from the state to create a School-Based Center of Excellence for Prevention and Early Intervention to get schools tools they need to support kids’ mental health.

A fourth-grader holds a fidget ball as he completes an exercise with a therapist at Best Point Education and Behavioral Health, in Madisonville.

Those funding the efforts say they know there is no quick route to ending the wait times for mental health help for kids but are hoping to make an impact as soon as possible.

“The crisis calls us to act with unprecedented urgency, and at the same time, we know that results will take time,” Schroder said. “The challenges have been building over years – and it will likely take years to turn the tide.”

“Many families, teachers, and therapists know this urgency firsthand. They live it every day – and are calling us to share in that urgency and to work together to help turn the tide.”

This article originally appeared on Cincinnati Enquirer: Cincinnati area kids in crisis wait on lists for mental health care

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