One morning in 2018, I woke up to a rather confused set of flatmates.

They had a full story to tell. Apparently, I woke up and went to my flatmate’s room. She was sitting on the bed and just scrolling through her phone, when I went and patted her on the head several times and said, “Are you okay?” She was rather perplexed, as one would be when someone suddenly wanders into your room at 3 am and asks about your health. Nevertheless, she reassured me that I was, and I went back to my room and slept off. The second time, I woke up another flatmate, with whom I was sharing a room, and asked if she needed to book a cab. I had no recollection of any of this.

My 2018 was littered with many such episodes, which are now part of family lore and inside jokes. I’ve woken up and walked to the door asking if I should give my mother-in-law my paintings. Heads up, I wasn’t married in 2018. And, neither do I paint. It was quite probably the result of a conversation with my sister, who does paint.

What were the reasons? Well, as now I understand it, a lot of it was due to underlying stress- moved away from home, found a challenging new job, and a couple of personal relationship crises. That seemed to have manifested in unusual sleep patterns, even though I didn’t believe that I was stressed at the time.

So, I decided to speak to experts and figure out exactly what sleepwalking is all about. For the most part, it’s manageable. However, when you start a car in your sleep, then you have a problem.

What is sleepwalking?

If you are stressed out, or just not sticking to a healthy sleeping schedule, you’re probably at a higher risk of walking around the house in your sleep.
Image Credit: Shutterstock

Sleepwalking is that state between sleep and wakefulness. In this state, a person, usually gets up and does mostly mundane activities and has no recollection of doing them, the next morning. The person might have a rather glazed glassy-eyed expression and is unable to communicate clearly in this state. It is usually more common in children than adults.

“It’s also known as somnambulism, which is a sleep disorder, characterised by complex behaviours during deep sleep,” explains Dubai-based Devika Mankani, a holistic psychologist. However, she points out that while it can be associated with mental health conditions, it does not necessarily indicate psychological problems on its own.

Why would a person sleepwalk?

If you are stressed out, or just not sticking to a healthy sleeping schedule, you’re probably at a higher risk of walking around the house in your sleep.

There are several underlying psychological factors that could be linked to sleepwalking. “Lack of sufficient sleep or poor sleep quality can increase the likelihood of sleepwalking. Sleep deprivation can affect mental health and overall well-being, potentially contributing to psychological problems,” explains Mankani. In the cases of children, they sleepwalk due to unproductive sleep patterns, illness, injuries or changes in a sleep environment.

Lack of sufficient sleep or poor sleep quality can increase the likelihood of sleepwalking. Sleep deprivation can affect mental health and overall well-being, potentially contributing to psychological problems.

– Devika Mankani, holistic psychologist

If a person is under extreme stress or anxiety, this could also lead to sleepwalking. “High levels of stress and anxiety can disrupt sleep patterns and increase the occurrence of sleepwalking episodes,” says Mankani. Psychological stressors like difficult workplace routines, or personal upheavals, may trigger sleepwalking episodes as well.

Sleepwalking can be genetic as well, if the condition tends to run in families. “There might be shared genetic or environmental factors that contribute to both sleepwalking and certain psychological conditions,” explains Mankani. On the other hand, a person can sleepwalk due to sleep disorders such as sleep apnea, the restless legs syndrome, or insomnia, which can have psychological implications.

The restless leg syndrome is a neurological disorder that causes unpleasant or uncomfortable sensations in your legs and the irresistible urge to move them (Courtesy: National Institute of Health)

It can also be a consequence of certain medications or fever. However, when it occurs frequently, especially in adults, it can sometimes be associated with mental health disorders such as depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), explains clinical psychologist Saliha Afridi from the Dubai-based Light House Arabia.

What does sleepwalking say about a person’s mental health?

Sleepwalking occurs more often in children than adults, and children often outgrow it in their teens. Isolated episodes of sleepwalking in adulthood are not usually signs of serious trouble.
Image Credit: Shutterstock

It is not necessarily a sign of impaired mental health, says Afridi. It occurs more often in children than adults, and children often outgrow it in their teens. Isolated episodes of sleepwalking in adulthood are not usually signs of serious trouble.

Just because someone sleepwalks, it does not always mean that they have a psychological problem, she says. If sleepwalking occurs infrequently and does not cause harm to the patient or others, it may not need to be treated at all.

When you should worry

Sleepwalking becomes a matter of concern and worry if the person attempts to do something that might cause them harm, like leaving the house in the middle of the night, or attempting to drive a car.
Image Credit: Shutterstock

It also depends on the nature of the activity that the person is doing in their sleep. It becomes a matter of concern and worry if they attempt to do something that might cause them harm, like leaving the house in the middle of the night, or attempting to drive a car. They might also injure themselves, if they fall down the stairs in that state between wakefulness and sleep.

It is important to see a doctor if sleepwalking causes problems or leads to dangerous situations. If the sleepwalking episodes persist, then it is possible that a person might have a sleep disorder, say the experts. A doctor can help identify the underlying problems and recommend appropriate treatment. A thorough examination by a physician can help determine if the sleepwalking is actually related to an underlying psychological or physical condition, explains Mankani.

How can you prevent sleepwalking episodes?

Maintain good sleep hygiene

This is crucial for children especially. Establishing a regular sleep routine helps promote better sleep quality and reduces the likelihood of sleepwalking, explains Mankani. Create a sleep-friendly environment for yourself, avoid binging on crime or supernatural shows before you sleep.

Make sure that your bedroom is quiet, dark and comfortable. Excessive light, extreme temperatures and noise can disrupt your sleep, so see what you can do to reduce these factors.

Relaxation exercises like mindfulness, therapy to manage stress and anxiety levels, are instructive to prevent sleepwalking episodes. Meditation and deep breathing is useful, advises Afridi.

Create a comfortable sleep environment for yourself. Remove sharp obstacles and objects from your environment, says Mankani. Lock doors and windows and use safety gates or alarms if necessary. It is important to implement safety measures for those who sleepwalk frequently, as it could lead them to getting hurt.

Relaxation exercises like mindfulness, therapy to manage stress and anxiety levels, are instructive to prevent sleepwalking episodes. Meditation and deep breathing is useful.

– Saliha Afridi, clinical psychologist

Talk to a healthcare professional

If sleepwalking becomes frequent, disruptive, or poses safety risks, it is advisable to consult a healthcare provider, explains Mankani. They will assess the situation, identify potential underlying factors, and recommend appropriate interventions or therapies.

Treat underlying physical or mental issues

If the person has conditions, like restless legs syndrome or sleep apnea, it is best to treat these conditions, as it can decrease sleepwalking episodes.

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Many of my clients who are survivors of traumatic relationships and families find that the anxiety lasts long after the relationship has ended. Because you were robbed of a safe environment, it can be natural to have feelings of unease or even hypervigilance throughout the day. Many people feel an increase in anxiety at work, at home, or in other areas that, for one reason or another, evoke the feeling of unease.

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While managing anxiety is sometimes a lifelong process, I find that those who learn ways to reduce symptoms as they arise have the best relief in the long run. Mindfulness and guided imagery have been shown to decrease symptoms of anxiety and stress and can be used to help manage difficult feelings or situations. When working with clients who are preparing to go to court against their abuser or are struggling with recurring worries or fears about their experiences, I like to teach them ways to calm their bodies naturally. Because many of my clients are part of the LGBTQ community, I find that learning ways to manage anxiety by focusing outside of the body is most beneficial due to the ways that focusing inside the body can be stressful for many trans and queer individuals.

This five-minute exercise will help focus the attention outside the body and can decrease stress and worry.

1. Find a quiet place where you will not be distracted.

This can be anywhere that you know you will have about 10 minutes or so of uninterrupted time. Put a “do not disturb” sign on your office door, or move to the back of your apartment or house where you will be less likely to be disturbed by the mail delivery or neighbor’s dog barking.

2. Make sure you will have privacy.

Do not forget to set your phone to “do not disturb,” and set the timer for five minutes (shorter if you feel at all nervous or uncomfortable with visualization or mindfulness exercises).

3. Sit or lie down so that you feel comfortable.

Some choose to lean back in their chair, put their head down on their desk, or lie down on a couch or bed.

4. To prepare your mind and body to begin, start by taking several deep breaths.

This will help calm you and prepare you to start the mindfulness process. As you continue breathing, concentrate on breathing in and out in a rhythmic way, focusing only on your breath as it enters and exits your lungs. Some choose to focus on counting to three or four as the breath enters their lungs, then holding for a count of three or four, and releasing for a count of three or four. Try not to get held up on the amount of time—do what feels most comfortable for your mind and body and what feels comfortable in your lungs.

5. Begin by imagining a scene that brings you comfort.

This should be the first place that comes to mind when you think of calm and relaxation. Try to focus less on what others find most calming and more on what you find to be the most relaxing place. For some, this might be in a hammock on a tropical beach or a quiet hiking trail on a mountaintop. For others, a cozy log cabin after a full day of skiing evokes feelings of calm relaxation.

What is going on in the scene? Where are you? Is it daytime, nighttime, or sunset? Are you wearing flip-flops or hiking boots that make a sound when you walk? What is the weather like where you are?

6. Think about the experiences that are taking place.

Start by going through each of the five senses: sight, touch, taste, hearing, and smell. If nothing comes to mind for one of the senses, skip it and come back if you want. Focus on the senses that you are most drawn to: What are you hearing? What do you feel around you?

You might hear the crashing of the waves against the rocks and the sandy beach. You might hear the birds and squirrels up in the trees above you. Maybe the fire is crackling in the fireplace in front of you in the cabin.

7. Allow yourself to further explore where you are.

Are you on a secluded mountaintop? Is there a rock nearby where you could sit and reflect? If you are on a tropical beach, allow yourself to walk around the beach a bit, feeling the warm sand beneath your toes. Look around. Are you alone, or are others around? Are there any animals near you? What else do you see, hear, and feel? Continue to allow yourself to experience this scene while continuing to take deep breaths and focus on what is around you in your mind.

8. It is normal for your mind to wander during this time.

If you find that your mind tries to return to the present, know that this is a normal part of the process. Acknowledge this happening without judgment and bring your focus back to the scene in your mind.

9. End as slowly as you began.

When the timer goes off, begin by acknowledging that the time is up. Take a few seconds to allow your eyes to slowly open as they feel ready. How do you feel? Look around the room and reorient yourself to the present location. Do not immediately open your phone or laptop to respond to emails or texts. Instead, allow yourself to slowly come back to the present moment.

10. Take time to reflect on the experience.

Did five minutes feel like a comfortable amount of time? Maybe you felt rushed to come back from the scene, or maybe you struggled to stay in the scene for this length of time. I usually recommend that clients start with a small amount of time that feels easily manageable, such as three to five minutes. Eventually, as you feel more comfortable, you can work up to 10 or even 15 minutes. However, starting with too long of a time can be intimidating and can turn people off from guided imagery.

Ultimately, be patient with yourself. Slowly allow yourself to work up to longer increments each time you practice guided imagery, increasing time only as it feels natural and comfortable. If you struggle to make it to the end of the time, adjust the time accordingly.

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You finally score a day to yourself without any real obligations and you want to just take it easy and put your feet up and, well, relax. But your mind keeps whirring with worries and running through your to-do list. Next thing you know, you’re up on your feet tidying up.

I can’t relax…why is it so hard to slow down and do something for myself? you wonder, feeling frustrated. And to your dismay, it’s a feeling that even pops up when you’re on vacation or during holidays.

Trust us, you’re not alone. Here, we asked top experts help identify why it’s so hard for women to really relax (hint: women are often conditioned to feel guilty if we’re not “productive”), how to build relaxation into everyday activities and ways to finally quiet the din so you can enjoy the downtime you deserve.

Shake off received “scripts”

When you take a breather, pay extra attention to your narrative, urges expert Beth Kurland, Ph.D., author of Dancing on the Tightrope: Transcending the Habits of Your Mind & Awakening to Your Fullest Life. “Your mind may say you have too much to do to rest, or that if you’re not doing enough, or even that you are not enough.”

If this is the case, she suggests reminding yourself that the messages we learned from society that women always need to be “doing” to be accepted are not true. “Just being aware of these scripts helps you loosen their grip.”

Write yourself a prescription for relaxation

“Women often tell me relaxing is too ‘luxurious’ or they don’t have time,” says expert Marlynn Wei, M.D. aa Harvard- and Yale-trained psychiatrist, therapist and certified yoga teacher who specializes in treating anxiety and depression. “But if you reframe it as a necessity with concrete benefits like helping you avoid burnout, you’ll find it so much easier.”

Can you listen to birds for 2 minutes or put your hand on your heart for 1 minute? “Even small moments de-stress the nervous system fast,” Dr. Wei insists.

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Remove a single ‘straw’ from the pile

“I hear from patients every day that they’re on edge,” says expert Susan Pollak, MTS, Ed.D., author of author of Self-Compassion for Parents, and a clinical psychologist and senior teacher at the Center for Mindfulness and Compassion at Harvard. And that goes double, or even triple, for women in the “sandwich generation.”

“Between caring for my mom, worrying about my grown child who’s floundering and having a new grandchild, my stress is soaring—but the good news is ‘the straw that breaks the camel’s back’ also works in reverse.” In other words, if you remove one “straw,” you’ll feel a huge lift. “Maybe you can skip making dinner one night a week. Tiny steps like this can make a big difference.”

Do unto others to do unto yourself

It may seem counterintuitive, but being kind to others is one of the best ways to curb racing thoughts when you’re trying to relax, says Pollak. “Whether you offer someone a compliment or buy a friend coffee, generosity reduces your stress levels—and when you’re kind to others, it’s easier to be kind to yourself.” Start your day with the intention to look for ways to be kind to others, and you’ll find so many, and feel more joy along the way.

Try ‘relaxation stacking’

You may have heard of “habit stacking,” tethering a new activity to an established one to help form new routines. If you want to drink more water, for instance, you might place a glass next to your toothbrush as a visual cue. The same idea, “relaxation stacking,” helps hardwire serenity-enhancing habits.

“If you take walks, consider ‘stacking’ deep breathing onto them,” suggests Dr. Wei. “As you take four steps, take four breaths, then exhale longer to trigger the soothing relaxation response.” This helps you easily cement calm-inducing strategies into your daily life.

Embrace experimentation

The strategies that work best for you are unique to you, says Kurland. “Relaxation doesn’t have to be stillness—it can be connecting with others or doing something creative.” Decide which “flavor” of R&R is best for you. “You might ask yourself what you loved doing as a child to help you reconnect with your playful spirit, like reading or playing a game.” True relaxation is about listening to your mind, body and heart.

Dudarev Mikhail/shuttertock

Scroll through cherished memories

Because we live in a go-go-go culture, the hyped-up feeling spurred by a steady flow of adrenaline can become our new “normal,” reveals psychiatrist Ludmila De Faria, MD. A simple trick to outsmart “adrenaline tolerance” is to call to mind positive memories. “Pulling out this mental photo album causes your brain to release joy-boosting serotonin and dopamine,” she says. “Replacing the undertow of adrenaline with soothing hormones makes it easier for you to unwind.”

Still can’t relax? Try some of our favorite mindfulness practices

Investigate what’s holding you back this way

To turn off your worries and relax in any given moment, try out “RAIN”: recognize, allow, investigate, nurture, advises mindfulness expert Tara Brach, PhD. By first recognizing that you’re anxious, and allowing for it, you give yourself the power to change, she encourages. Then investigate by asking yourself why you’re stressed.

Your answer will give you clarity so you can either resolve it or let it go for now. Then, put your hand on your heart and send a nurturing message: Thank you, anxiety, for trying to protect me, but I’m good now. Says Brach, “This combination of mindfulness and self-compassion eases the emotions preventing us from relaxing.”

Breathe in joy

One of the best ways to invite joy is simply to breathe. “The art of pausing is a sacred act,” says Brach. Stopping to focus on our breath brings us into presence with our spirit. Simply close your eyes and feel your inhale coming into your chest and belly, then exhale slowly, intentionally letting go. “You may feel anxious at first, but stay with it. Over time, your breath will connect to your innate presence, helping you discover a greater capacity to feel wonder and to truly relax.”

Savor the moment

When we’re fully in the “now,” worries about the past and future disappear, explains Gillihan. To bring yourself into the present, just take in your surroundings. Note the couch, the clock, the tree outside. Listen to the wind chimes on your porch. Feel your body sink into your chair. “When we invite our mind to be as present as our body,” Gillihan says, “we have a sense of coming home to a place of joy that lets us relax.”

A version of this article originally appeared in our print magazine, Woman’s World.

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“We’ve never been taught how to breathe,” Mayor Eric Adams claimed Tuesday, as he mandated two to five minutes of “mindful breathing” per day for all K-12 students next year.

But the mayor should save his oxygen for the real crisis in our schools —our children are not being taught how to read, if they’re even showing up to class at all.

On New York’s own 3rd-8th grade state assessments, less than half of students scored proficient in English Language Arts or Math last year.

Looking at how many students are actually attending classes, it’s not difficult to understand why.

The announcement ironically came on the last day of classes for the 2022-23 school year — a year in which more than half of NYC seniors were chronically absent.

This is a symptom of a larger trend. In New York City’s public schools, 40% of students were chronically absent this past school year. That means out of 938,000 students enrolled, some 375,000 kids are missing at least 18 days of school.

NYC Mayor Eric Adams mandated schools offer two to five minutes of “mindful breathing” per day for all K-12 students.Twitter/@NYCMayor

Absenteeism in New York City has been on the rise since the pandemic — though it’s worth noting that our numbers have been worse than the national average since schools were shut down during COVID.

Compared to the 2018-19 school year, average chronic absenteeism across NYC schools increased by more than half.

Absenteeism is swelling in schools that were already struggling and among families with comparatively fewer resources to mitigate its harms — the exact populations Mayor Adams should be trying so hard to help.

Adams participating in a breathing session with students at PS 005 Dr. Ronald McNair on June 27, 2023.YouTube/New York City Mayor’s Office

Nearly half of the city’s black and Hispanic student populations were chronically absent in 2021-22. The same goes for almost half of all students in the Bronx.

The Brookings Institute relays that poor kids in kindergarten are about 2.5 times more likely to be chronically absent compared to non-poor peers.

The academic consequences associated with missing school are profound. An Economic Policy Institute study estimated that missing just one or two days of school was associated with a statistically significant drop on the 2015 math NAEP exam (the “Nation’s Report Card”).

While it’s hard to exactly measure the impacts of absenteeism, New York’s recent performance on the most recent NAEP exams certainly suggests our students are falling behind.

Compared to the other 50 states, New York ranks among the bottom for 4th grade math scores on the latest NAEP exam, and had one of the largest score declines in the country. This isn’t an isolated trend either. There’s been no “significant increase” in 4th or 8th grade reading and math scores in New York for over a decade.

Persistent learning gaps remain for special needs, economically disadvantaged and minority students.

These numbers get worse when put in the context of the states’ school spending.

New York City is slated to spend about $38,000 per student next school year — and for what?

Students aren’t learning basic functions, if they’re even showing up at all. Kids learn to breathe whether they’re in a classroom or not. Math and literacy are not so instinctual.

Let’s focus on the fundamentals and get butts back into seats.

Then we can all collectively take a deep sigh of relief.

Tim Hoefer is President and CEO of the Empire Center for Public Policy.

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