The widespread and growing popularity of dating apps goes hand in hand with the increasing dependence people have on mobiles and technology. Now, you can spark relationships via the tool in your pocket, and potentially change your whole life.
While the potential reward of dating apps is a known factor, not enough is said about the harmful impacts they can have on users’ mental health. We’ll explore what some of these negatives are alongside potential remedies to help reel you back from the pitfalls that lurk therein.
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Previously, relationships would form from a local web of connections linked to family, neighbors, friends, and work. Sparks would form in person as partners-to-be would cross paths. Now, dating apps provide, via a selection of photos and info, more sources of potentially acknowledged romantic interest or rejection than ever before.
This impacts people in a key area: their desire for social validation.
The desire for social validation is a natural drive that makes you feel good when you feel approval. Some theories state it to be a survival instinct to avoid abandonment. In each stage of your life, the pains and travails of life may rip from you the love or validation you naturally seek from the few that matter to you.
This can create a dangerous need to fill a lack of validation with a temporary excess of it from external sources. And dating apps, in this case, can have the same effect that slot machines have on gambling addicts.
You may end up craving multiple likes and superficial relationships more than developing a connection with a single match. The unspoken rejections could also be fuel for the parts of you that are your own greatest critic.
To reduce the impact likes and notifications have on you, consider switching off most of your device’s notifications. In so doing, you are defending yourself in the contemporary battle for our attention. The potential for love and meaning lies next to harmful negative spirals, all of which now lies at the tips of your swiping fingers.
Don’t Judge a Book by Its Cover
It’s undeniable that a spark of attraction is necessary in every romantic relationship. Dating apps make the most of this and center upon photos as the principal form of judgment.
This encourages a focus on superficial qualities as the be all end all. Frequently, notions of personality and relationship compatibility are ignored. What’s more, this system of values that idolizes appearance promotes the creation of profiles that are essentially marketing ads.
While not judging a book by its cover reminds you to look beyond a seemingly simple cover, the inverse is to be cautious of the manicured, perfect-looking covers. Certain profiles will try to sell you their superficial image, and beyond the cover lies a different picture. Here, the absence of your local web of connections as a buffer and source of information on your potential partner is felt.
Just like in whichever field of marketing, there are marketing specialists in dating apps—experts at marketing themselves. Physical and social gratification are addicting to some. If it’s appearances that are guiding your choice of partner, walk with care.
If you find yourself caught in a feedback loop of validation- or gratification-seeking, do not fret. Just as technology can silently mislead you into short-term pleasures and pitfalls, it can also be the tool that connects you with the profound and lasting.
The Calm Within the Dating App Storm
You may find it hard to notice whether you’re engaging with dating apps in a way that is beneficial or harmful to you. Frequently, it can be a mix of both. To help you find a good balance between dating app usage and your mental health, here are three apps with potential remedies.
1. Insight Timer
Insight Timer offers you over 70,000 free guided meditations to help you tune out excessive mental noise and connect to the moment. You also have the option for a paid subscription with additional features.
The practice of meditation can help out your process of reflection, and can be done in as little as a few minutes. Think of the short time you spend practicing such an exercise as a direct investment in yourself. Rather than paying attention to your screens, you are paying attention to yourself.
These exercises can help you take a step back and observe the thoughts and impulses that come to you without judgment. In such a calm internal space, you can better identify if some form of addictive behaviors or needs draws you to dating apps.
This process isn’t something you can complete on the first try. It is an ongoing process of refining your inner gaze to see past your own constructions and illusions of self. If you find that seeing your phone is a trigger for addictive behaviors tied to dating apps, check out our guide on the best ways to reduce screen time.
Once you have identified an impulse (such as a desire for social or physical gratification via dating apps), consider how much it impacts your life. If your mental health is suffering, or you find yourself incapable of long-term relationships, try sharing how you feel with a therapist. You can also look into our guide on how to use technology to help improve your mental health.
2. BetterHelp
BetterHelp provides an easily accessible platform via a mobile app or online website through which you can benefit from qualified and licensed therapists. Just as dating apps have become easier than ever to access from the little computer in your pocket, you can also access resources like therapy easily that profoundly help your overall well-being.
BetterHelp can connect you with therapists specialized in a variety of areas, and lets you choose the kind of counselor you are most comfortable with (e.g. their gender and age).
3. Meetup
Dating apps can be great tools that let you meet people you wouldn’t be able to otherwise. But don’t forget: they aren’t the only way to meet like-minded souls.
Give yourself a break from dating profile marketing ads and combine the best of both worlds.
Use the Meetup app or website to find a wealth of in-person activities, ranging from sports to dancing, games to poetry. You can also form your own group activity if you so desire. Make the most of the opportunity to share your interests with others.
Take a leap of faith and dive into an activity you like without expectations. Special connections and friendships may form therein.
Find a Healthy Balance in Your Search for a Spark
The natural human drives for short-term validation and gratification are powerful factors that can influence your use of dating apps. If you’re not careful and attentive, you can easily fall into negative spirals that damage your mental health.
Try some quick meditation exercises to help you reflect, and consider the benefits of sharing and therapy. Then, dive into in-person activities where connections can be made. In this manner, you’re both protecting your well-being and nourishing your chance and ability to find healthy and sustainable relationships.
