Question: My kids have been getting sick a lot in the past year, which concerns me. Yet sometimes I wonder if they are just saying they are sick to get out of something they don’t like or to get special attention. Please help me figure out what to do and how to tell the difference between being sick and faking it.
It can be of concern when your child is continuously sick, not to mention devastating when your child faces a serious or life-threatening illness.
Most times children recover from illness quickly as they are actively building their immune systems.
This process of many children being sick a lot was accelerated at the end of the pandemic, with kids catching germs missed during the isolation.
Sometimes kids learn that being sick is a way to not have to do something they don’t want to do, or they learn that it’s a way to get more attention.
It can be a cry for help, a need for a closer look at why your child is faking illness. Or it can be an honest body reaction that needs family and medical attention.
Bonnie Vandenberg
All of these scenarios deserve a closer look at your child’s underlying needs and are an opportunity for you to “hear” and “see” your child better.
If you think your kids are using illness as an excuse to get out of doing something they don’t like, such as a chore, school or camp, you can explore this with them in a non-threatening manner. You might ask them to tell you about what’s going on at school or camp or with the chore, letting them know that you’d like to help them work out a solution.
Empowering your child to understand and listen to their body is a lifelong skill that can remedy the need for your over-helping.
Keep a thermometer handy for them to use wisely. Talk about and model healthy eating habits so they are learning to tune in to what their bodies need for sustenance. Begin a family practice of lots of nighttime rest to be ready for the day.
As you tune in as a family to your health needs, your children won’t need to use the “I’m sick” excuse to get their needs met.
Another way to calmly and respectfully approach the situation if your children are “sick” often is to have them write down their symptoms and to keep a journal of what ails them. Then make an in-person or virtual doctor’s appointment so they can voice what they are experiencing. This will help them sift through real problems and made-up problems.
Take your child seriously when they are saying they don’t feel well, and slow down to listen better. Pay attention to your own beliefs about illness, whether you think it best to fuss over kids when they don’t feel well or it’s a hassle when they’re sick.
Children respond strongly to how a parent reacts to or dismisses their thoughts and feelings, and it’s the same with their body pain. If you are giving lots of over-attention to the illness rather than empowering and being compassionate to your child’s feelings, you could be reinforcing the behavior that you are trying to minimize.
Anxious and depressed thoughts are often felt in body pain, so I suggest the following regular practices to lessen symptoms:
• Meditation and empowerment mantras to strengthen the mental state of your children.
• Mental health days with fewer activities when needed.
• Reduction of social media influence. Social media has been shown to directly increase anxiety and depression, resulting in body pain.
None of us wants to believe that our children may have serious or chronic problems, but a visit to the pediatrician may be necessary for children who complain of feeling sick often.
I advise that you listen to your kids, validate their feelings, ask them about what’s happening in a non-threatening manner and continue to empower them with personal wellness tips suggested in this article.
You are preparing them for a lifetime of self-awareness and self-care that will help them physically as well as mentally.
Vandenberg is the founding educator of “Ask Ms. Bonnie.” To have your question answered in the Acorn, email bonniefv@yahoo.com.
