Vow to take care of yourself today

Like it or not, we can’t get away from our own self. I am always with me, and you are always with you. I suspect many people seldom give this any thought. Yet, it is so important to reflect on how we treat ourselves. Self-care and personal wellbeing are fundamental to a meaning filled and happier life.

A key aspect of wellbeing is learning to be a good friend — the best of friends — to ourselves. One serious aspect of this is how we “talk” to ourselves. This is most important for patterns of self-talk.

The starting point is to pay close attention to our thoughts. We all have a “voice” inside our head. Paying deliberate attention to what we repeatedly tell ourselves is important. It can be helpful to catalogue or journal about our “self-talk” over a significant period of time.

Are we building ourselves up or tearing down? Are we affirming and encouraging ourselves or constantly judging, condemning, and then regretting our every move and inclination?

An essential inquiry is whether we are being an empathetic and loving good friend or a destructive enemy to ourselves with our habitual daily self-talk. Stated with simplicity: How are we “with” ourselves throughout the day?

A bedrock principle of my Christian tradition and many faith traditions is that we are made in God’s image and that God is always with us as our friend and enabler. God loves us, “God is love” (I John 4:16), and God expects us to love others. We must not omit ourselves.

God loves us in many ways, such as providing us peace, comfort, strength and hope. Importantly and practically, God often comes to us and is with us through our very best friends. How are we “with” ourselves?

Have you ever realized that you are a great friend to others but tend to be overly critical, demeaning, and judgmental of yourself? Creatively imagining stepping outside yourself and being your own friend as you are to others is a helpful exercise. Translating this into supportive, loving internal communication is a personal gift toward wellness.

In her wisdom-filled treasure, “Spark Change: 108 Provocative Questions for Spiritual Evolution” (Sounds True 2020), Jennie Lee observes: “The recurring thoughts you allow to fill your mind determine your overall state of consciousness.” More importantly, habitual self-talk dictates in large part our happiness, contentment and attitude toward others and all of life. Lee also counsels: “If unloving words were spoken to you in the past, check to make sure you are not repeating the same words to yourself internally. Monitor your thoughts and eliminate any that are negative or discouraging.”

Changing habitual patterns of what we tell ourselves takes hard, disciplined work. Ingrained habits, such as negative self-talk, tend to hang on because they have taken deep roots.

As we work on such change, we will often have to calmly “wave” at the negativity that might arise in our heads as we diligently grind to change the pattern. We must give this time. Hopefully, we will discover that we are working toward consistent loving, positive self-talk to create and refine the very best habits to help us befriend ourselves.

A practical idea for working on transforming negative voices in our heads with encouraging, empathetic, hopeful, and loving self-talk is to constantly experiment with phrases to “tell” ourselves throughout the day. We can journal or otherwise keep track of what is most helpful. Writing down positive words, trying them out, and then reflecting on their effectiveness over time can truly help us change our habits.

Here are some ideas for starters: (1) “I will be the best possible friend to myself and others today,” (2) “I love and like myself, warts and all,” (3) “I’m going to take good care of myself today,” (4) “I like myself as I am while working on betterment.”

We can creatively draft short self-talking expressions that we expect will truly “speak” to us. Inevitably, those annoying negative voices will arise. We should just say “hello” (and “goodbye”!) to them and allow them to pass. If we replace them with fresh, new internal dialogue, we can become our best friend and fan.

Over time, we can experience greater joy and peace by our mindful daily self-talk and very personal friendship progression. We can truly become what we habitually tell ourselves by taking control of and diligently transforming the most powerful voice in our heads. It is our choice.

Walt Shelton is the author of the Nautilus Award winning book, “The Daily Practice of Life: Practical Reflections Toward Meaningful Living” (CrossLink Publishing 2020), and “Authentic Living in All Seasons: Focused, Fearless, and Balanced” (CrossLink Publishing 2022). He s a long-time professor at Baylor Law School and frequent speaker on life quality and faith-related matters. waltshelton.com

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